How to Talk with Your Daughter as She Processes the Events of January 6th

Little did I know when I wrote my blog two weeks ago titled, “Just Ask the Butterfly”, that I’d immediately need to put into practice the very things I wrote about. I was focused on the importance of looking back at 2020 to see where we grew and got stronger while stretching our wings to break free from the cocoon so we could fly higher with new views.

Then January 6th happened: A protest gone wrong at the Capitol in Washington, DC.

I want to say here at the start that I’m not taking a political stand. I’m not presenting a case that leans right or left. That’s not the point of my blog today.

I don’t believe this is the time to get into debates about being blue or red. Instead, I believe this is a critical time to stand united as father and daughter, even if your political views differ. This is the time for you to lean in to take care of each other like never before.

If we want to see our nation move towards healing, it starts at home.

I’ve been doing some heavy pondering this past week and I imagine that your daughters (even yourselves) are in deep thought as well. None of us know what things will look like tomorrow, next week, or even next month.

Based on interactions I’ve been having, here’s what I would like to say on behalf of your daughters:

• They are scared

• They don’t know who to be angry at

• They don’t know who to trust

• Their emotions are spilling over into anything and everything, often with responses and reactions that are inappropriate to the situation at hand

• They don’t know what their future will look like because the country as they’ve known it feels different than ever before

As most of you know, I published a second book last year titled, “Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters” with 60 scripts for you to dialogue with your daughters. Can I just tell you that it never even crossed my mind to include a template for you as fathers to interact with your girls on the state of the nation.

But here we are now.

I believe there’s no better time than the present for you to encourage your daughter to talk to you while you listen. After all, we never forget the people who are truly there for us when we’re in the storm, do we?

Right now is the right time for you to interact with your daughter because (as you’ve heard me say many times…so I’m quoting myself here from Let’s Talk) “the more you’re a sounding board without trying to fix your daughter’s problems while she vents and expresses herself, the more you’ll help her process her emotions and experiences….and you’ll see that a power takes root in a daughter when she fully believes that she matters because what she thinks and feels matters.”

So, enough of me talking.

Now it’s up to you to encourage your daughter to talk…to you and with you.

I want you to text or call your daughter right now to set up a time to connect with her (either in person or remotely) so that you can listen, validate, love, and support her during this tumultuous time. I assure you that she’s feeling the intensity in the atmosphere right now, and who better to be there for an extra dose of TLC than you?

Then when you get together, use this following script to go deeper with her while you intentionally choose to:

• listen without lecturing

• be kind without correction

That said, I challenge you to bring this script with you as you engage your daughter in conversation. These questions are designed for you to encourage her to open up because it will help her figure things out as she gives them a voice. Then feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with her…if she’s open to hearing you, that is.

I’d love to hear how it goes. We’re in this together and I’m cheering you on!

Dad, if you want to download the pdf of these questions, click here

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How to Talk with Your Daughter as She Processes the Events of January 6th

“Hi Honey…It’s an understatement to say this has been an intense week in our nation. I feel it and I know you do too. Can we find a time to meet up sometime in the next week with a goal to support each other? I’m not wanting this to be a time where we debate, but more just to connect as dad and daughter. What do you say? I’ll flex with your schedule. What day and time works best for you?”

1. January 6th was an unexpected day in our nation’s capital. What was that day like for you as you saw and heard the media posting stories and showing footage of protestors storming the Capitol with violence, destruction, shootings, etc.?

2. There are five primary emotions: happy, sad, angry, scared, and confused. What emotions were you feeling then and which of these have you felt since then?

3. What has made you feel sadness about all that’s taken place nationally or locally (if there is local impact, that is)?

4. Does anything make you angry when you think about all that happened there…or in our city at a local level?

5. Does anything scare you about all that went down that day or do you worry about anything happening in the future, particularly when it comes to safety, civil unrest, protests, riots, etc.?

6. What about your own future? Is there anything that you fear as you look ahead based on these kinds of events and this one in particular?

7. Is there anything you wish would have been done differently by those who were on site in Washington, D.C. as they were trying to protect the Capitol and those inside it?

8. What are your thoughts about protests? How do you think people should go about expressing their opinions and making their voices heard to those in authority….or to anyone else, for that matter?

9. Do you have any other thoughts, opinions or feelings about what’s happening in America?

10. The political climate in our country is hot and volatile right now. Is there any way that I can be a better support to you or encourage you in this season?

“Thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts with me. I want you to know that you can always come to me to process anything at any time. I want to be a safe place where you know you’ll be heard no matter what. The bottom line is this: Seasons come and go, leaders and platforms change, but at the end of the day, we’re family and I want you to rest secure in knowing that I have your back through it all. I love you and am here for you…love, Dad.”