Like Father, Like Daughter

We’ve all heard it said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. For some of us that’s a compliment while for others it feels more like a curse… or at least a major bummer.

When we look in the Bible there sometimes is a pattern to the apple-tree thing but at other times the whole father-to-child legacy doesn’t seem to play out according to plan.

Take Josiah, for instance.  He became king of Judah after the assassination of his father Amon, a king who majorly influenced his people to turn away from God just like his father Manasseh had done before him. Then in the middle of a virtual no man’s land in the purity department, eight-year old Josiah pops up as a righteous, God-fearing king who instituted major spiritual reforms. It’s a mystery as to where his clarity came from at such a young age, especially with relatively no male role model set anywhere in his family tree.  

That right there should give hope to anyone who thinks that their fate is sealed if they come from a screwed up family, and particularly one where the male side hasn’t perhaps been the most stellar examples. Josiah is proof that in each generation we get to make our own choices.

There’s another dad in the Bible who catches my attention. This dad was an awesome role model to his daughter. Caleb and his friend Joshua were the two spies who went into the Promised Land when there were giants inhabiting it. Instead of being freaked out or intimidated by the giants in the land, they saw with eyes of faith and believed that God would keep His promise to give them their land.

Now fast forward to the time where Caleb steps into his role as a dad. His daughter’s name was Achsah and just like her dad, she was a woman of faith and courage, a woman with a voice who wasn’t afraid to ask for what she wanted. It’s obvious that her dad had modeled to her what it meant to be bold and forthright.

Let’s pick up the story in Joshua 15, verse 18:  “One day when Achsah came to her husband, she urged him to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, “What can I do for you?” 

I LOVE that question from dad to daughter!  It’s so simple yet so profound. These are six words that every dad should memorize and use regularly.

Caleb brings himself to his daughter’s problem. He is willing to invest of his own time and resources to help her. (And it’s worth noting that he was still a dialed in dad even after his daughter was married!)

Notice the freedom of honest clarity that flows from Achsah’s mouth as she responds to her dad’s question by asking him to do her a special favor and give her springs of water. She obviously knew that she had the foundation of relationship with her dad to ask him for a “special favor.” There was no fear there. She knew he would listen. And the cool thing is that he does it for her. We read that “Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs.” (v. 19)

Do you notice how easily she responded to her dad’s question about what she wanted without holding back?

Do you notice how this dad offered the gift of his attention----solely focused on her?

Do you notice how he gives his daughter more than she asked for?

Dads, I’d encourage you to begin making these six words a regular part of your interactions with your daughters. I promise it will be a life-changer in the way your daughter responds to you!

Thanks Caleb for being a fantastic role model of a dialed-in dad! I know you’ve led the way for countless Girldads in the 21st century to follow in your footsteps.

An Open Letter to Daughters Everywhere (Guest Blog by Don Blackwell)

Don is a long-time friend of mine and I’m honored he’s joining us today as he puts into writing what I believe all of you GirlDads want to say to your daughters.
~ Michelle

Dads are notoriously poor communicators when it comes to feelings, especially with their daughters.

Too often, our silence, awkwardness, or inability to find right words is interpreted as disinterest, insensitivity, or a lack of empathy.

Truth is many fathers silently long for a closer relationship with their daughters, even when they aren't sure how to build one.

So, if my fellow dads will permit, I'd like to share an open letter to daughters everywhere who may still be wondering about us. [And Dad, if my message expresses your heart, feel free to share it with your daughter from you].

To Our Daughters –

It seems like only yesterday that we held you in our arms for the first time.

It was love at first sight.

From that moment on, you’ve held a very special place in our hearts – a place reserved only for you.

When you were little, it was “easy” to let you know that. We could hold you tight, comfort you when you were sad, tell you bedtime stories and tuck you in – and we did. You probably don’t remember those moments, but we do.

But, as you grew older, things got more complicated for us where you were concerned.

You were becoming young women, perhaps before both of us were ready – and we weren’t sure how to respond, how we fit in to your emerging womanhood.

We wondered if it was still “okay” to hold you as tightly as we once did (or hold you at all), to kiss you, to tuck you into bed – to dry your tears and comfort you.

We looked for other ways to stay connected with you, ways to stay engaged in your life, to discern the role you wanted us to play as you entered your teenage years, but we struggled with that – a lot.

We assumed, without asking, that your mom was the person you wanted for all those "girl things" and that you'd let us know if and when you needed us.

Between your mom and your friends, it seemed like you were doing “just fine” and growing more independent with each passing day.

Part of us was content to watch you grow, but we missed you – we missed “us”.

We realize now, however, that we may have missed the most important thing of all – the realization that you were missing us too and maybe even misconstruing our distance and seeming “absence” as indifference.

If only we had known then what we know now.

If only, rather than guess at what each other was thinking or hoping one of us “would get it” from the unspoken “bread crumbs” we were leaving in each other’s lives, we had simply talked, allowed ourselves to be more vulnerable with one another.

Maybe we could both be a little better about that going forward?

In the meantime, lest there be any doubt in your mind, know this . . .

• there has never been a day since you were born when we haven’t loved you,

• a moment that has passed when we haven’t thought of you, or

• a time that we wanted anything but what was best for you –

• today is no exception, nor will tomorrow be.

Because, while we may not always be great at showing, let alone expressing it, we love you and we value you beyond measure.

Your Dad

Don Blackwell is a trial attorney is Miami and the dad of two now adult children. He is also a tireless mental health advocate within and outside the legal profession. Don is the author of “Dear Ashley ...” - A Father's Reflections and Letters to His Daughter on Life, Love and Hope (2013), and, more recently, of Retune Your Heart – Finding the ‘”Extra” in the Ordinariness of Everyday Life, The Playbook of Your Childhood Heart (2025), and hashtag#todolistfridays - Small Weekly Steps to Building a Big-Hearted Life (2026). 

Out of Love for My Father

With Father’s Day being this past Sunday, I’m still in celebration mode for you dads! I love that we have this day every year to focus on telling you how grateful we are for you. 

This leads me to share a funny story from this past week since it celebrates my dad in a unique way. 

I was going through some old files and came across a flimsy piece of notebook paper that’s now worn, tattered and faded. And on it I immediately recognized my handwriting from back when I was about 12 or 13 years old. But this, in and of itself, isn’t the reason I’m sharing this story with you. 

This piece of paper is significant because it’s actually a poem I wrote as a young girl about my dad. And I have literally remembered the first stanza all these years! I can’t believe this sacred piece of memorabilia somehow miraculously emerged from the archives.

I can still picture where I was standing when I wrote these words.

I was positioned next to the ironing board in our basement as the steam from the iron was shooting up onto my face, adding to my irritation at the job I was tasked to do. I was sweating bullets on that hot summer day and was not happy about any of it. It was then that this hilarious expose emerged from within me. 

Somehow it helped to decrease my misery by putting my feelings and thoughts to paper!

That said, I share this with you today as a reminder, dads, that we as your daughters may not always enjoy following your directives or investing in the tasks required to keep our households running, but in the end we do what we do out of love for you. So I’m sharing my poem with you to encourage you in your fathering role and to remind you how much you’re loved, even when we don’t always respond in the best of ways and push back or complain.

The title of my poem is: Out of Love for My Father.

It’s dumb to iron hankies,
especially on hot days.
Then you stick it in your pocket
and it’s wrinkled anyways!
…even though it is a bother, I do it out of love for my father!

I don’t like to fold your t-shirts
‘cause I always do it wrong.
I fold them every which way
and I stretch them tall and long!
…even though it is a bother, I do it out of love for my father!

I hate to practice my piano
on each school day,
but I know that it’s my duty
to keep quiet and obey!
…even though it is a bother, I do it out of love for my father!

Sometimes I feel it’s unfair
the age you say that I’m to date,
but in your mind it’s very clear,
in mine, it’s a debate!
…even though it is a bother, I do it out of love for my father!

I get tired when running errands
to the store or to the mart,
but I need this to develop
what we call a “servant’s heart.”
…even though it is a bother, I do it out of love for my father!

So there it is: the simple thoughts of an adolescent daughter who had a bad attitude on a random summer day, yet in the end, she loved her dad. 

Thanks for walking with me down memory lane today! I trust my poem brought a smile to your face.

Finding Hope When You Just Want Father’s Day to Be Over

If this blog title intrigues you, it may be because Father’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for you. According to research that was commissioned by the National Center for Fathering in cooperation with Gallup polling, the majority of Americans are right there with you. In fact, over half of them agreed with this statement:

“Most adults have unresolved issues with their fathers."

I want to be a catalyst in facilitating healing for those with unresolved father issues so we can be healthier people regardless of the hand we were dealt.

As I’ve pondered what some of your histories could be that make today extra hard, here are some examples that come to mind. Maybe your story has played out in some way like this:

• Your father wasn’t in the picture much—or at all—and like the approximately 18.3 million fatherless kids in America, this day reminds you of what you didn’t (or still don’t) have.

• Your dad preferred one of your siblings over you, and the result of that favoritism is that you’ve lacked confidence your whole life, never believing you measure up no matter how hard you try.

• Your parents divorced and you felt caught in the middle, feeling the pull to ally with your mom because you believed she needed you more… but now you realize what you didn’t get and you’re angry that you lost time with your dad that you’ll never get back.

• Your dad remarried after the divorce and chose his new family over you, leaving a hole in your heart that has never really healed no matter how much therapy you’ve done.

• Your father was there but not there. He provided for you and came home after work but didn’t really tune into you or communicate that you had value to him.

• Your dad has had his own unhealed issues with his father, and though he did the best he could, you keep coming back to the fact that there have been significant deficits in your relationship as a result of his lack of pursuing a closer relationship with you.

• You’re a dad yourself and when your kids were born you purposed to be the dad you never had, but your personal choices—i.e. an addiction, affair, career, hobbies, or even ministry—came before them and now you’re reaping the painful consequences of those decisions.

• You know God is a loving and good Father, but struggle to really believe it because your earthly father didn’t model those qualities to you.

• Your dad has died and you loved him more than your words can convey, and as you see everyone else celebrating their fathers today, your heart aches because you didn’t have enough time with yours.

As discouraging as these examples may be, I share them to validate the wounds that many of you are carrying, wounds that are often unseen and unacknowledged, wounds that are extra tender on this holiday.

Yet let’s not stay there.

Let’s be people who pursue healing and wholeness so we don’t pass the unhealed pain of our past on to the next generation.

As a way to counter heaviness you may be feeling today, I want to share a powerful truth I’ve learned about HOPE.

A couple of years ago I was preparing to speak at a national conference on hope-filled fathering and I was reading studies on the impact of hope in motivating us to action. I was also conducting my own qualitative research on how dads gain or lose hope based on their current relationships with their daughters. 

One night I got a download for a way to understand HOPE in a fresh way. Here’s the acrostic that made the concept of HOPE come alive for me:

H—Heavenward

O—Orientation

P—Powers

E—Everything

What this means to me is that even when there’s been relational pain (directed horizontally from human to human), we can find hope by looking through a different lens, a heavenward one (a vertically-directed position). This orientation to connect with our Heavenly Father is the pathway for healing even if our earthly relationships with our dads are still broken.

If Father's Day is really hard for you, rest assured that you’re not alone and there are others who are struggling in similar ways. You can take comfort in knowing that another Father is watching over you, a Dad who has written your name on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:16). 

I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses. I pray this fills you with HOPE today so that no matter where you’re at on this Father’s Day, you’ll be uplifted and encouraged:

May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him (this is the key to a heavenward orientation) so you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. 
(Romans 15:13)

[You may have read a blog I wrote titled, “How to Survive Father’s Day When You Hate the Day,” but if not, I encourage you to read it here. In it I share a four-step process called HEAL to begin working through your father wounds towards healing and breakthrough. Be encouraged that it’s possible to move to forgiveness, then release and freedom. 

And if you need extra support, I offer online coaching and would be happy to walk alongside you on your healing journey.]

Need a Father’s Day Gift That Will Extend Father’s Day Throughout the Year?

Need a Father’s Day Gift That Will Extend Father’s Day Throughout the Year? 

Hi y’all…. (Now that I live in Arkansas, I can officially get away with talking like this, right?!)

With Father’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d drop in and suggest a gift that lasts long beyond the day itself: BOOKS! With the content in both of my two books for GirlDads being evergreen, this could be a great gift for any dad you know!

Just this week I received an email from the girlfriend of a guy I met at a men’s conference in Sacramento where I had the privilege of speaking two months ago. She asked for a signed copy since he’s a dad to three daughters and she wants this to be an extra special Father’s Day for him.

This gave me the idea to write y’all and ask if you know any dads who could benefit from these resources since they’re ready to head to homes around America! 

Here’s a quick overview so you can see which is best for the dad in your life:

1. “Dad, Here’s What I Really Need from You: A Guide for Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart” gives dads detailed information about how their daughters are wired. This is also a fitting book for a dad with a younger daughter who wants to better understand her needs as a foundation for connecting with her heart with more precision.

2. “Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters” has 60 topics on all kinds of themes, ranging from body image to boys to self-esteem to dad wounds to spirituality… and everything in between! This is for the dad who wants to go deeper with his daughter in listening to her heart while bonding with her in the process. This is the ultimate dad-daughter date book that is a difference maker between dads and daughters! 

You can find the books on Amazon or any book distributor… OR you can write to me and, for $20 (which includes Media Mail shipping), I’ll sign and send it to you a.s.a.p.! 

So if you know a dad who needs an extra special blessing and resource this Father’s Day, let’s equip dads with proactive resources that support their important role as fathers in ways that extend far beyond June 17th…. GO DADS!

Big hugs from my heart to yours, Dr. Michelle