Curiosity That Leads to Connection Before Correction (Guest Blog by Jeff Zaugg)

As a dad to four daughters (yes, you read that right!), here’s something I’ve come to learn about being an intentional GirlDad. I now ask myself---as well as other dads---this question: What if some of the sweetest discoveries in fatherhood come when we let go of closed mindsets and embrace wonder instead?

My oldest daughter loves to read. I mean, she devours books. But when she's reading, she tunes out everything else around her. I have to ask her questions over and over to get her attention, often walking all the way over and gently touching her shoulder to snap her out of it. And even when I do get her attention, she pushes back, wanting to finish the chapter before doing what I'm asking.

For months, I got frustrated every time I tried to get her attention. She never seemed to hear me. She always pushed back when I interrupted her reading. I was locked into seeing this as pushback and disrespect.

But recently, I sat down with her for a different kind of conversation. Instead of correcting her behavior, I got curious about her experience.

We talked about situational awareness—how she could develop the skill of focusing on her reading while still being aware of what's happening around her. For safety. For being a thoughtful sister. Even for future babysitting jobs where noticing things matters.

That conversation sparked a new approach. Instead of me versus her, it became us creating a plan together. We even tested it with gamification. Her sisters and I create moments in the room to see if she notices.

How many times do we approach fatherhood with assumptions based on surface behaviors?

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Fixed mindsets build barriers, blocking us from the wonder of who our children really are. We get stuck seeing our kids through the lens of frustration rather than fascination.

You might be just one curious conversation away from discovering something incredible about your child that assumptions have kept hidden. I fully believe that God wants to give each of us a sense of wonder. But it's going to require courage to turn up the dial of curiosity and look at our families differently.

Romans 12:2 calls us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." In fatherhood, this transformation starts with curiosity. The willingness to question our assumptions and approach our children with wonder instead of certainty.

Seth Dahl gets this. When I interviewed him on the DadAwesome Podcast, he challenged us as dads to stay curious about our children rather than defaulting to control. 

Part of our job as dads is making sure we're not putting ourselves in God's spot with our kids. Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants to be the one who comforts or convicts them, and if we rush in with all the answers, we might actually get in the way.

I assure you that as a work in progress, I’m seeking to understand the hearts of my daughters before I address their behavior.

Here’s what this looks like in action:

• Instead of seeing arguing as just backtalk, look for honesty, strong feelings, and verbal skills.

• Instead of seeing bossiness as a problem, recognize leadership and assertiveness.

• Instead of seeing stubbornness as defiance, identify determination and intensity of focus.

Yes, each behavior still needs to be addressed and redirected, but when we start by seeing the gift underneath, it helps us maintain connection.

Connected Families suggests a simple format: "I see that you have a powerful gift for __________. How you're using that now is not as helpful as I've seen you use it before. Maybe you could use that gift to help us solve the problem we're dealing with."

This doesn't mean we excuse behaviors or avoid correction when needed. It's about curiosity that leads to connection before correction. When we understand the heart behind the behavior, we can address both the underlying need and the surface action. We're not lowering standards but raising understanding.

For our daughters (and sons), they feel seen, understood, and valued for who they are rather than criticized for who they're not. This security becomes the foundation for healthy risk-taking and growth. 

For ourselves, we rediscover the joy of learning and growth. Parenting becomes less about managing behaviors and more about nurturing souls.

For our relationship, connection deepens as curiosity builds bridges between different perspectives and personalities.

If you’re ready to choose connection over correction while awakening the ripple effect of wonder in yourself and your daughter:

1. Pause Your Assumptions - When you catch yourself making assumptions about your child, stop. Pause and pray for wisdom, then ask yourself: "What if I'm wrong about this?" The pause creates space for curiosity to enter.

2. Lean Into Curiosity - Instead of immediately correcting or controlling, get curious. Ask the Holy Spirit what's really going on. What might your child be experiencing? What story are they telling themselves? What need might they be expressing?

3. Experiment With Fresh Perspective – Try something new. Pick one behavior that typically triggers you and commit to responding differently for just one week. Try questions instead of commands, patience instead of frustration.

This simple process transforms moments of potential frustration into opportunities for discovery.

When we pause our assumptions, lean into curiosity, and experiment with fresh perspective, we often find that our "difficult" daughter is simply showing us parts of themselves we hadn't noticed before.

By choosing curiosity over assumption, it shifts us from pride to humility, from thinking we have our kids figured out to recognizing God gave us these children to humble us and teach us.

 
Jeff Zaugg founded DadAwesome after one question grabbed his heart: "How do you stay intentional as a dad?" That question sparked 400+ podcast conversations and a mission to help fathers move from autopilot to prayerfully intentional. Over 550 nights in an RV, countless campfire conversations, ten fatherhood coaching cohorts, and thirty activation events across the country, Jeff is building a community of dads who live from the love of their Heavenly Father and pour that love into their families. Jeff and Michelle are raising four daughters near the beach in Florida. Together they love catching waves, building forts, riding bikes, and training for obstacle course races.

His first book was just launched last week titled, “DADAWESOME: Dad Discoveries to Activate Awesomeness” and is available here: 

GirlDad Gold: 8 Life Lessons from Alysa Liu and Her Dad

If you watched the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics last month, you no doubt watched the joyous celebration of Alysa Liu when she single-handedly turned women’s figure skating upside down as she won gold. Ever since, this courageous 20-year old is continuing to blow everyone away with her wealth of wisdom that is far beyond her years, as demonstrated with these powerful statements:

 “I love struggling, actually. It makes me feel alive.”

"I'm really confident in myself, and even if I mess up and fall,
that's totally okay.”

"What I like to share about myself is my story, my art and my creative process... A bad story is still a story, and I think that's beautiful. There's no way to lose.”

Wow. Talk about inspirational deep truth. I want to be more like her with a fierce growth mindset, don’t you?

Would you love your daughter to be motivated by a similar self-confidence? Of course you would!

You want to see her thrive as she boldly steps into being all God has made her to be, shaped by resilience even when there’s loss, humbly embracing triumph despite struggle, and courage to never give up or lose sight of who she is.

As you think of your role in supporting your daughter, here are eight life lessons tucked into Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

1. Start by Believing Big
Arthur Liu believed in his daughter early. He saw her spark on the ice and didn’t dismiss it as “just a phase.” He invested time, money, and energy into helping her develop her talent. Alysa became the youngest U.S. women’s national champion in history at age 13. She landed jumps other American women weren’t attempting at the time. But before the titles, there was a dad who said, “I see something in you.”

Lesson for GirlDads:
Your belief becomes her internal voice. When she wonders, “Am I capable?” she will hear echoes of what you’ve said as it repeats inside her mind and heart for years.

2. Support Her Dreams — But Don’t Make Them Yours
Arthur was deeply involved in Alysa’s skating career. His level of involvement helped launch her success…but it also created tension. As Alysa matured, she realized she needed more ownership. She later said she didn’t want her dad to be as invested in her skating as he had been before. That wasn’t rejection (though he may have thought it at the time); this was individuation and differentiation.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There is a fine line between championing her dream and unconsciously adopting it as your identity. The goal is not to live through her success but to stand beside her in it.

3. Excellence Without Joy Has an Expiration Date
Alysa’s early career was meteoric. She broke records, made history, and carried enormous expectations. But eventually, she stepped away from competitive skating — at just 16 years old. Why? Because it had stopped being fun.

She described wanting a more normal life. She wanted to discover who she was as a person, not just as a skater. She wanted to breathe. This decision stunned the skating world. But it revealed something critical: talent without joy cannot sustain a young heart forever.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Ask her regularly: “Are you still loving this?” Not because quitting is the goal — but because joy is fuel. When the passion dies, no amount of pressure will resurrect it in a healthy way.

One of the most striking parts of their story is that Alysa didn’t consult her dad before announcing her retirement. Arthur admitted he felt hurt. But here’s what he did well: he didn’t publicly shame her, pressure her, or try to reverse her choice. He let her own it.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There will come a moment when your daughter makes a decision you disagree with — about sports, college, career, relationships, or life direction. Your response in that moment shapes your long-term connection.

You can be disappointed and still be supportive. That balance is pure gold to a daughter.

5. Step Back So She Can Step Forward
After time away from skating, Alysa chose to return. But this time, she did it differently. She structured her training with more autonomy. She defined the boundaries of her dad’s involvement. And something beautiful happened: she skated freer.

When she returned to the Olympic stage, there was visible joy in her performance. She trusted her intuition and debuted new, unprecedented jumps while enthusiastically celebrating her love of the sport.

Lesson for GirlDads:
If you don’t step back eventually, she can’t fully step into herself. Your willingness to release control communicates trust. And trust breeds confidence in girls and women.

6. Your Relationship Matters More Than the Resumé
It’s easy for high-achieving families to measure everything: scores, rankings, scholarships, titles. But long after the medals tarnish, what remains is the relationship. Despite the tension in their dynamic, Alysa has spoken respectfully about her dad. Arthur has spoken proudly of her — even when she chose differently than he would have preferred. They navigated complexity without severing connection.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Guard your relationship more fiercely than her achievements. If forced to choose between a trophy and trust, choose trust every time. Because when her world shakes — and it will — she’ll run toward safety [a.k.a. you], not away from it [a.k.a. you].

7. Teach Her That Identity Is Bigger Than One Arena
When Alysa retired, she didn’t disappear. She explored life beyond elite sport. She embraced college experiences, friendships, and growth outside of skating. Her identity became more defined as her world expanded.

That’s critical for daughters who grow up in performance-driven environments. If all they’ve ever been told is who they are when they win, they struggle when the applause fades. Arthur’s early focus was largely centered on skating. Over time, the lesson evolved: Alysa is more than her jumps.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Affirm her character more than her competence. Tell her she’s brave, thoughtful, creative, kind — not just talented. A daughter grounded in identity can withstand both failure and fame.

8. Redefine Winning
Gold medals represent discipline, resilience, and excellence. But Alysa’s most meaningful victory may not be a podium moment. It may be that she learned to skate for the joy she found in doing what she loves.
She once expressed that she would still skate even if no one were watching. That’s the kind of intrinsic motivation every father hopes his daughter develops — not performing for approval, but moving from internal conviction. Arthur’s early belief helped launch her. His later restraint allowed her to reclaim ownership and connect to her authentic motivation and inspiration.

That process — from director to supporter — is the hidden gold.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Winning is raising a daughter who can say, “I’m embracing the life God has given me, and I choose to inspire those around me by stepping into my unique gifts and calling.”

What They Did Well — And What They Learned

What they did well:

• Early belief and investment

• Courage to pursue excellence

• Pride without public hostility during hard seasons

• Willingness to evolve the relationship

What they didn’t do perfectly:

• Over-involvement blurred boundaries

• Intensity sometimes overshadowed childhood normalcy

• Communication gaps created hurt

But here’s the hope-filled truth: Perfection isn’t required to raise a strong daughter; growth is.

Dad, you’re in good company with every dad when you acknowledge that you will misstep. You will push too hard sometimes or not hard enough at others. The goal is not flawless fatherhood. The goal is responsive fatherhood — listening, adjusting, and loving through change.

So when your daughter dares to chase a dream that feels bigger than her age, her size, or even her sport, she doesn’t just need talent. She needs a dad who knows when to lean in and when to let go, a dad who celebrates her victories and losses while communicating unconditional love throughout the process.

This is what it looks like to be a gold-winning GirlDad!

Making Amends: How One Dad Did it Right

With this being the second blog in this Valentines month, I want to continue on the topic of LOVE---from a dad to his daughter. And one of the best ways you can show love to your daughter is to lead by making amends when you’ve caused her pain.

As we know, ruptures in relationships are a reality for all of us. This means that every one of shares in either being hurt or being the one to cause the hurt. Whether unintentional or intentional, when we’ve caused harm, we must develop a skill set in doing repair work in order to restore.

I can honestly say that the most common questions fathers ask or write me about are tied to estrangement. Here’s the most recent example:

I truly want to reconcile with my daughter and be a better dad, even though she has a step-dad now. I was wrong to stay away for so long and make it about me instead of about her. I’m not wanting to overstep but how do I let her know I want to be involved in her life now? I don’t want to make things worse. I appreciate your advice Dr. Michelle.

Although I often have minimal knowledge of the entirety of the situation when responding, I do want to give dads practical and proactive strategies they can put into action to invest in changing things for the better with their girls.

This leads me to a real life story, one that I had the privilege of being a part of. 

Leanne is a 35-year old daughter, married, and the mother of two. She contacted me to ask if I could help navigate her relationship with her father after years of feeling the strain between them. Both were willing to peel back the layers while knowing they needed someone to help guide them through the process. 

Even though Dad, Scott, saw the task ahead as somewhat daunting, perhaps unnecessary, he said that if this would help his daughter heal then he was committed to joining her for counseling. Courageously, they both opened up about the ways that Scott’s often gruff and dismissive parenting style when raising his tender-hearted daughter not only hurt her then, but was still impacting her now. She shared that she had internalized his view of her and still believes she’s “stupid and dumb,” with an overall feeing of being unworthy.

Through this process of talking and listening, Dad gave his daughter one of the best gifts she’d ever received from him.

Without being defensive, Scott listened. 

For seven weeks in a row, he listened. 

Far past the point where he normally would have walked away, he listened. 

All out of love for his daughter. 

We finally reached the place where Scott, though hesitantly, was willing to accept an assignment to write Leanne a letter. Not knowing exactly what to write (especially since his daughter is an accomplished writer, which in his mind served to highlight his inadequacy), he used a template, attached here, to guide the process. 

This dad followed directions, put pen to paper (actually fingers to keyboard), and gave it his all. To say he did it right is an understatement!

Scott told Leanne how he sees her embodying the meaning of her name while telling her specific ways he is proud of her, even including unique qualities he admires about her. And he made amends. He said he was sorry for not being gentle and patient with her when she was a little girl.

Now you may be wondering: What good does it do to dredge up the past, especially when bygones are bygones? You may be thinking that it’s cruel for an adult daughter to drag her dad into a counselor’s office just so he can hear her tell him how he blew it when she was little when he was doing the best he could at the time.

You can decide for yourself whether you still hold to that position after hearing what Leanne later wrote to her dad in response to their life-changing interaction: 

There was a moment when you stopped reading for a second and you glanced at me with wet eyes and tears streaming down your cheeks—I don’t even remember what part of the letter it was—that I have permanently engrained in my memory. It’s the strongest you’ve ever looked to me. I find it fascinating, and I think you might think it absurd, that my certainty of your strength was birthed from a moment where you were completely broken down. Even the little six-year-old in me is so proud of you and is saying, “My daddy is so strong!” Dad, you are one of the bravest men I know.

Even as an adult woman, Leanne still longed to hear what her daddy thought of her. 

She needed to hear his words that connected her little girl questions to her adult self. And she soaked in his words---about truly understanding the ways he had hurt her, coupled with being proud of her--and why.

Leanne needed to hear him read his letter out loud to her. 

She needed to hear his heartfelt emotion as he expressed himself. 

Scott agreed. Something broke free in him by doing this, leading him to say: “I don’t expect myself to be perfect anymore. I’m actually more real now.” 

It was in this process of opening up the conversation that both of their hearts moved towards healing. When this father asked forgiveness, his daughter immediately responded with love and grace. Each of them felt more understood as they went through this process together.

Leanne further explained:

It’s like taking two magnets and flipping them around so instead of connecting tightly, they push against each other in opposition, making it impossible for connection to happen. This letter, both the letter itself and my dad’s emotions in reading it, was the first time our magnets faced the right way for connection to happen. I literally feel like I heard words I’ve been waiting 30 years to hear.

In reflecting back on this experience, I asked Leanne to share a few highlights that stood out to her from the journey:

The problem is the wounds from hurt don’t get healed if we ignore them; I learned that not only was I wounded by the past, so was my dad. His sobs and streaming tears were physical manifestations of how deep his own wounds are. This means we have pain in common and in a weird way I feel closer to him now that I know. 

So to sum up, I want to tell dads everywhere to write and read your daughter a letter because it:

1) Shows she’s worth pursuing

2) Lets her know how you feel about her 

3) Allows her to see herself through your eyes, which is far more valuable and loving than how the world will communicate her worth. 

My hope in sharing this real-life story with you is to demonstrate that it’s never too late for a dad to make amends with his daughter. When a dad comes without defensiveness, and is open and willing to hear her heart hurts, he gives her---and himself---the gift of freedom, release, and healing. 

Thank you, Leanne and Scott, for the powerful way you’ve modeled that it’s possible for a dad and daughter to make amends if they’re both committed to doing so. 

Thank you for showing us that it’s never too late to make things right. I believe I speak for us all when I say how extremely grateful we are for the gift you have given us by your courage to share your story. 

I trust that every dad reading this will take their story to heart and take steps today to make amends with your daughter (and son). Don’t put it off another day. 

She’s worth the hard work. And so are you.

Your Valentine's MONTH Challenge, Dads!

You may think you misread my blog title because I used the word month instead of day. But I assure you that you’re seeing things correctly! Let me tell you why.

For many men, Valentine’s Day is that one day each year when they know that if they forget the card, candy, flowers, or the fancy dinner, they’ll be in the doghouse. So the motivation sometimes is more about not getting in trouble than it is on reaching the heart of the one you love.

Here’s the inside scoop to better understand the women in your life: The underlying desire for most women is that we just want to know that we’re valued and treasured more than one day here or there. And especially when it feels a bit forced on Valentines’ Day, we appreciate the “over-and-above” reminders that we’re really loved beyond that 24-hour time span.

So if you, as a dad to your daughter, want to be intentional with heart investments in her throughout February, it’s time to capitalize on this opportunity of communicating love to show her your love for an entire month, not just a day.

Here’s a not-very-hidden Venusian secret: We women love love. We love stories about love. We love being in loved. We love being the one loved.

And though some women are less outwardly demonstrative when it comes to emotional expressions of their longings, inside the heart of every girl and woman is a God-given desire to be pursued and cherished, adored and known.

Since you were the first one to hold her heart, your love deposits carry a lot of relational weight. If you as a dad miss the opportunity to pursue your daughter’s heart, she’ll be more apt to go looking for love elsewhere because this is a legitimate need, not just a want.

Let me back up my statement with an illustration. 

Did you know, according to Hallmark and industry sources, approximately 150 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually in the United States, making it the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas?! And if you add in kids’ classroom Valentines, there could be as many as 1 billion cards sold each year. 

Adding to Hallmark’s awareness of a woman’s desire for romance and love, especially this time of year, they continue to expand their movie empire every single year.

Since stats are a powerful way to underscore a point, here are some confirming facts regarding their nationwide domination in the area of romantic cinematic expression:

• In 2010 there were 6 original Hallmark holiday movies

• In 2014, there were 12 

• In 2015, the network added 21 new movies to their lineup

• In 2017, they produced 33 more

• In June of 2018, they announced they were debuting 90 additional new movies that would span all year long!

• In 2020 they premiered 40 new original holiday movies

• In 2023, 40 more 

• And in 2025, 24 MORE were added to their vast repertoire! 

What this says to me is simply this: If a woman isn’t experiencing true love in her life (which may or may not include heartfelt romance, but definitely includes agape love, which is selfless love from another----which includes you as her father), she will be drawn to watching someone else live out her romantic story.

And even though every single Hallmark storyline is predictable, cheesy, unrealistic, anticipated, scripted, and improbable, we women have an internal draw to the fantasy, which can become a substitute for reality, particularly when it’s non-existent.

So Dad, here’s where you get to shine. 

Become the Prince Charming in your daughter’s romantic story. Whether she has a special someone or not, you can let her know every single day during this entire month of February that she is your treasure.

Start today and make a commitment to communicate love to her daily for the next 23 days of this month. And rest assured that some days will be more significant in terms of your time, money, and energy, yet by mixing it up it will add strength to the impact of your loving expressions.

Here are some practical ideas to get you started:

• Text her an affirming message (to highlight something you’ve not typically highlighted before, such as a character quality that you admire in this season of her life)

• Write a note and send it via snail mail so she sees your loving words in your own handwriting (and if she’s like me, she’ll save it forever)

• Call her to tell her why you thought of her today (leaving a voicemail message is a great idea so she can replay it again and again)

• FaceTime her and ask questions about her day, her feelings, her fears, and her dreams (make it your goal to get her to talk while you listen)

• Send her flowers (and make sure to send a card that tells her why she’s amazing in your eyes)

• Buy her a gift or two (tangible expressions of your love---where you put your money where your mouth is---will remind her that she’s your treasure for days and months to come)

• Stop by her workplace or school and leave a treat with a note (which I guarantee will be shown to all of her friends and they’ll wish you were their dad!)

• Take her out to breakfast, lunch or dinner (let her choose the place…and then between the time you set up the date and the time you spend together, it will bring joy to her heart as she looks forward to time with you)

So there you have it, Dad: your February challenge.

I can hardly wait to hear how you, as dialed-in dads, give Hallmark a run for their money this year by showing who the real hero is in your daughter’s story.

Write me at drmichellewatson@gmail.com and tell me how it goes so I can celebrate with you!



[P.S....Speaking of Hallmark, I was recently invited to write one God story in a friend’s devotional titled "Written in Heaven: His Story, Our Lives," where 40 women each shared a powerful God story in their own life. I talked about my singleness and getting married at the age of 60, and I titled my story, “Better Than Hallmark.”

This book would be a great gift for your daughter, wife, girlfriend or female friends because 40 women will be encouraging them in them in their own faith journey. I highly recommend it!]

How to Tell Your Daughter More of Your Story

Happy 2026 to you, Dad!

If you’ve been reading my blogs or listening to The Dad Whisperer Podcast for any length of time, you know how I encourage you to tell your stories to your daughter. And not just the positive and good ones---but also the messy ones (especially when there’s a redemptive ending).

I believe this is so vitally important to your relationship with her that I ended my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters with an entire section called, “Lead Her to Listen.” This is where you as dads hand your daughter the book so she can ask you questions about your life.

Here’s how I introduce this section in my book, explaining why this matters:

“Remember that we daughters don’t expect you dads to be perfect or to have never made stupid decisions or chosen an unwise path. When we see you as authentic and human while admitting that you’ve made mistakes along the way, it makes you more real and approachable, and we respect you all the more for having forged through hard stuff despite challenges.

We’re inspired when hearing about obstacles you’ve overcome to get where you are today, which gives us more freedom to tell you what’s going on in our lives.

Additionally, Dad, when you tell your daughter stories from your own life, it serves as a reminder of what you’ve learned the hard way, thus giving you more grace for her at the age and stage she’s in now.

And whether or not your daughter realizes that she’s going to grow through this process of asking you questions and hearing your responses, the reality is that this is a vital skill set for her going forward as she learns to inquire and investigate with care and genuine interest in another person.”

Dad, here are three options to move forward this year if this idea of story-telling resonates with you:

1. A great place to start is to get a copy of Let’s Talk and let your daughter follow the directions in the last chapter to ask you specific questions about your life.

2. If you’re ready to action now, here’s a quick 3-fold template to begin telling your story to your daughter:

• Tell her what happened

• Tell her what you learned (even the hard way…and be sure to include the redemptive ending!)

• Invite questions

3. If you’re ready to take a bigger step forward in telling your stories, here’s more ideas to support that goal:

• Tell about your life chronologically: One year at a time.

  • Share one thing from each age of your life. And if your daughter has questions, answer them in age appropriate ways based on her ability to track with you.

• Tell about your life seasonally: One season at a time.

  • My dad would often tell me stories that fit with the time of year that we were in - be it a specific holiday or even a weather-related story. You can even tell her about food traditions at specific times of the year.

• Tell about your life thematically: One topic at a time.

  • Open the vault and tell her about your family of origin and what it was like to be in your family---and go into more detail about your education...jobs…sports…friends…girlfriends…dating…adventures…risks…etc.

• Tell about your life spiritually: One theme at a time.

  • Reveal significant times in your life with God...or questions you’ve had…or lessons you’ve learned…mentors you’ve had…or parts of the Bible that are particularly meaningful to you.

• Tell about your life relationally: One person at a time.

  • As you tell about people who have influenced you, not only will you be honoring those individuals while inviting your daughter to learn from them as well, but you’ll be positively impacted by re-telling about the influence and impact of mentors, coaches, pastors, teachers, relatives, etc.

You’ve heard me say this before and I’ll stay it again: You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be present. And though you’ve made mistakes in your life, telling your stories can model to your daughter what resilience looks like in real time and she’ll internalize your strength.

Telling your stories is a powerful way to be present in your daughter’s life.

Dad, make it a goal this year to share more of your story with your daughter. She’ll be grateful for it…and I believe you will be too!

Be the First - 2026 Edition

Here we are at the beginning of this new year, that time when we all turn the page and look forward to a fresh start. Some of us might even dare to believe that anything is possible as the script for 2026 is yet to be written.

When I think about the concept of firsts, I think of how this word relates to me as a firstborn. Truth be told, I like to be first---first in line, first to answer a question, first to try something new, and on it goes. Maybe you can relate!

Then my mind moves to how the concept of firsts tie to you being a father who wants to grow in understanding your daughter with even more precision. With that in view, I want to highlight what a big deal “firsts” are for us as girls.

To prove my point, you could ask any adult woman when she had her first crush. She’ll immediately tell you because that memory is frozen in time and available for fast recall whenever prompted.

Ask her about her first kiss, her first dance, first prom, or first breakup. They’re all filed away.

Now let’s change it up a bit and address more than just romance or heartbreak.

You could ask about her first job, her first paycheck, first car or first bad grade. Yep….all stored in the vault.

And if you want to delve even deeper with asking your daughter questions, you could ask her about her memories with you. What does she remember as the first time you made her feel loved and special…all the way to the first time you hurt her feelings or disappointed her. Why not start the year by being the first to initiate a conversation to make amends, if required.

Here’s how I also see it. If your daughter is wired to remember firsts, then why not capitalize on that reality by being the first to do it right and get it right at the start of this new year.

Dad, what if you made it your goal in this new year to create memories for your daughter by deciding to “be the first.”

• Be the first to tell her you love her every single day so she never has to wonder if you do.

• Be the first to choose kindness because it’s a virtue you want her to exemplify.

• Be the first to set the bar high in modeling what a good man looks like so all other men will be compared to you.

• Be the first to tell her you’re sorry.

• Be the first to show her that strong men can cry.

• Be the first to model what humility looks like.

• Be the first to write her a note telling her what you find special about her.

• Be the first to take her on an adventure.

• Be the first to buy her a “just-because” treat.

• Be the first to take her out for an extravagant meal.

• Be the first to wipe her tears and hold her in your arms when her life goes sideways.

• Be the first to listen rather than lecture.

• Be the first to “hold her anger” without reacting harshly in return.

• Be the first to initiate deep conversations about spirituality, God, faith, politics, goals, and even your life growing up.

• Be the first to model a healthy spiritual life so she can follow your example.

• Be the first give of your time and energy to serve her.

• Be the first to invest in launching her dreams by funding a project she is passionate about.

• Be the first to applaud her successes from the front row.

Why be the first?

It’s the best way to show her what love looks like when backed by action. Better yet, she’ll relate to all other men based on what she experiences with you.

Dad…you’ve got the whole year ahead to lead the way in loving your daughter first. You can make it your goal to be the first to soften your tone, apologize, and make amends.

Decide now to make this a year of firsts, beginning with choosing one thing from the list above to do today to let your daughter know how much you love her!

• Be the first to tell her you love her every single day so she never has to wonder if you do.

• Be the first to choose kindness because it’s a virtue you want her to exemplify.

• Be the first to set the bar high in modeling what a good man looks like so all other men will be compared to you.

• Be the first to tell her you’re sorry.

• Be the first to show her that strong men can cry.

• Be the first to model what humility looks like.

• Be the first to write her a note telling her what you find special about her.

• Be the first to take her on an adventure.

• Be the first to buy her a “just-because” treat.

• Be the first to take her out for an extravagant meal.

• Be the first to wipe her tears and hold her in your arms when her life goes sideways.

• Be the first to listen rather than lecture.

• Be the first to “hold her anger” without reacting harshly in return.

• Be the first to initiate deep conversations about spirituality, God, faith, politics, goals, and even your life growing up.

• Be the first to model a healthy spiritual life so she can follow your example.

• Be the first give of your time and energy to serve her.

• Be the first to invest in launching her dreams by funding a project she is passionate about.

• Be the first to applaud her successes from the front row.

Why be the first?

It’s the best way to show her what love looks like when backed by action. Better yet, she’ll relate to all other men based on what she experiences with you.

Dad…you’ve got the whole year ahead to lead the way in loving your daughter first. You can make it your goal to be the first to soften your tone, apologize, and make amends.

Decide now to make this a year of firsts, beginning with choosing one thing from the list above to do today to let your daughter know how much you love her!

End the Year by Leaving a Long-Lasting Legacy

With this being the last Dad-Daughter Friday Blog of 2025, I’m reflecting on my year and inviting you to do the same. When it comes to your relationship with your daughter, you’ve no doubt been investing in her this past year and this is worth celebrating.

As you think about the concept of legacy, let’s start by defining the term. Legacy is “the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or in a person’s life.”

And though legacy often refers to highlighting deposits at the end of someone’s life, for purposes of this conversation, let’s reflect on end of year relational investments with your daughter.

In the definition above, the words “long-lasting impact” stand out to me for a couple of reasons:

1. Sometimes we never know how little things have big impact. On the positive side, something you may not have thought to be a big deal----a gentle response or short hand-written note, a text or a phone call to check in---was all it took to make your daughter’s day better.

2. Conversely, one small but intense, negative response on your part may have stuck with her long beyond that specific interaction. And she may still be carrying the impact of that wound here at the end of this year.

The only way to know how your responses landed is to ask your daughter for input.

Why not end the year strong by inviting your daughter to respond---in person or in writing---to these two questions:

1. Can you remember any specific words I’ve spoken to you this past year that have stuck with you that made you feel better about yourself?

2. Can you remember any specific words I’ve spoken to you that have stuck with you this past year that made you feel worse about yourself?

Then, celebrate the positive investments and address the negatives.

Be willing to apologize and ask forgiveness. Without defensiveness, explanations or justification, even if your recollection is different than hers, let her know you love her fully and completely.

Ask yourself if you’d rather win the argument or win her heart.

With intentional focus, you can end the year well by checking in with your daughter by leading a conversation that cleans out any potential “closets” of unfinished business. Then you can affirm her for where you’ve seen her grow and mature this year.

This is what it looks like to end the year with an intentional commitment to leaving a positive legacy in your daughter’s life that will last long beyond this year. 

Dad, Your Presence IS the Present

Hi Dad…

With the Christmas season in full throttle, I’m guessing you’re like me in running a bit too much, spending a bit too much, eating a bit too much, and finding it challenging to keep up with all the “too muchness” that tends to accompany this season. Yet even with our intended desire to focus on Jesus being the “reason for the season” and enjoying all the merriment, we can still feel overwhelmed with all the demands and needs.

As a dad, you probably have even more expectations of yourself in this season----like you need to keep everyone happy and meet all the needs and cover all the bases. Yet the reality is this is more than anyone can possibly be.

So here’s my way of countering all of the unrealistic expectations you might be putting on yourself by making today’s blog short and straight forward.

Here’s my best suggestion for you as a dad this month: Stay present.

Yes, your presence is the best present you can give your daughter this Christmas season.

To make sure this doesn’t sound like a quick fix or pat answer, here’s what this means in real time:

1. Slow down. Make a decision to stop what you’re doing to notice what’s happening with your daughter when she’s with you. Your ability to stay calm and grounded (even if she’s not) is a gift beyond any tangible present you could give her. This is your gift to her!

2. Eye contact. By looking at your daughter in her eyes as she communicates with you, you’re giving her the message that she’s more important than words can say. This is your gift to her!

3. Listen intentionally. You’ve heard me say this before yet it bears repeating: When you listen twice as much as you talk (The “Two Ears: One Mouth” Principle), your daughter will internalize your validation of her and believe she’s worthy of your time and attention. This is your gift to her!

4. Ask questions. As you ask your daughter how you can help her or what she needs from you, you’re attending to her heart in that very minute. She will feel your love and care. This is your gift to her!

5. Hug often. Safe physical touch is often just what she needs when she’s overwhelmed. So when you reach out to your daughter to wipe her tears, hold her hand, and hug her, she will walk away knowing she’s not alone and you’re in her corner. This is your gift to her!

All this to say, never underestimate the profound power that your presence has when you show up in real time for your daughter.

Remember, YOU are the gift that keeps on giving as you give YOUR presence as THE present this year.

5 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Reconciliation with Your Estranged Daughter

With the holidays officially upon us, I know there are many of you dads who are struggling to claim this as “the happiest time of the year.” The reason? Distance from your daughter (and/or son).

The reality is that I receive more emails from dads around the country asking about what to do to connect with their estranged daughters than I do anything else…by a long shot. And I want to see that sad reality change through empowering dads to do whatever it takes to make amends and pursue healing at any cost to themselves.

Now I realize that there’s always more to a story than merely what I hear, but my encouragement to these men—and to you ---continues to include validation, coupled with suggestions for action.

But first, a story to encourage you.

---

My friend and former NFL quarterback, Ed Tandy McGlasson, founded an incredible organization called Blessing of the Father Ministries. Ed is one of the most passionate people I know when it comes to understanding the power of a father’s blessing, which leads  him to enthusiastically speak words of life into men and women everywhere by affirming how much they are loved by God as their Father.

One of the most powerful stories he tells is of a dad who hadn’t seen his daughter in over twenty years, since she was thirteen years old, and every time he reached out to her, there was no response. Desperate for direction, he met with Ed, who suggested that he waste no time in writing these exact words to his estranged daughter:

Help me understand how much I hurt you when I divorced your mom.

That’s all it took for his daughter to quickly respond. He didn’t defend or explain. He listened. And their relationship was restored.

---

Perhaps these are the words you need to say to your daughter in this season: “Help me understand how much I hurt you when I . . .”

On the other hand, Dad, sometimes your first move will require what could look like apparent inaction. Stated otherwise, by not moving, you’re moving. Let me explain. If your daughter isn’t ready to talk to you right now, you must honor her boundaries and wait until she gives you the green light.

Outwardly, this may look like you’re doing nothing, but in reality this allows you to prepare yourself for when she’s ready to communicate with you.

That said, I want to share some ideas that you can put into practice to prepare YOURSELF for the day your daughter will hopefully be ready to re-engage with you.

And if your daughter is open to having a conversation with you--whether in person or via email/text or over the phone--feel free to use the information below to guide you. (For more specifics, you can refer to my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters).

Here are some keys to preparing your heart for reconciliation with your estranged daughter:

1. Pray for restoration.
   I understand that at times our prayers may feel like they’re hitting the ceiling. But it’s important to remember that your prayers are being heard by your Heavenly Father who says if we call on him he will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things that we don’t know (Jeremiah 33:3). Ask Him to move in ways that only a true Father can. Write out prayer requests and date them so you can see how God answers as you stay the course with believing prayer.

2.  Own your part…with humility.
   Sometimes it can be hard to see the log in our own eye while instead focusing on the splinter in someone else’s (Matthew 7:5). And when there has been hurt between a dad and daughter, such that the bridge between them is weakened or bombed out completely, as her father, it’s vital that you search your own heart before God and be willing to admit your fault. As you assess yourself honestly (even asking others for input), it will set the foundation of humility and openness for the time when your relationship is restored.

3. Don’t take her rejection personally.
   If the distance between you and your daughter has little or nothing to do with you (a.k.a. a divorce or tragedy beyond your control that led to the estrangement), then seek to stand strong in the truth that she needs space to work this out in her way and in her time. There’s nothing you can do to rush that process along. Patience is key.

4. Look with open and eager anticipation.
   One of my favorite Bible stories is in Luke 15, a parable Jesus tells about his Father. He shares five ways that the earthly dad in this story re-engages with his estranged son, thus providing a road map for dads who are in a similar situation. This father saw his child (which means he was consistently looking for him), was filled with compassion, ran toward him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. That is the necessary stance for a dad with an estranged daughter, as modeled by the ultimate Dad, our Heavenly Father.

5. Buy a journal and write to her in it. (This one is my favorite!)
   Because you will date each entry, it will serve as a time capsule where you’ll be recording your thoughts and memories about her, dreams for her future, words of encouragement, prayers for her, positive and loving affirmations, things you wish you could tell her if she were here, etc. This is more for you than for her because it will keep hope alive as you write things down. Then when the time is right (which could be a long ways down the road possibly), you’ll have it as a gift to give her that will let her know that she was never far from your heart even when there was distance. It will prove to her the power of your love was solid even when she may have believed otherwise.

As noted from Luke 15, do not lose heart even while your daughter is away and distanced, possibly making choices that grieve you.

Do what God as a good Father does by staying open to her in your heart, looking forward for her return (no matter how long it takes) while believing that she needs your prayers for healing in her own life, whether or not she’s ready to engage with you now.

And in the meantime, I encourage you to do your own work. But this I mean to take steps to vulnerably tell your story and be willing to “look at your own stuff,” followed with receiving input and support from trusted friends or a counselor. This will set the foundation for a healthier relationship with your daughter when she returns because you’ll better understand yourself and have more tools in your emotional toolbox.

These five action steps above will set a foundation of hope as you take proactive steps forward. I pray your Thanksgiving and Christmas season will be a time of renewal, even in the hard spaces, as you celebrate the King who came to earth to give us the promise of heaven beyond today.

How the Quinceañera Teaches Fathers to Celebrate Their Daughters

There’s nothing I love better than hearing a heart-warming father-daughter story.

Exhibit A: I found this story tucked on the back page of a small-town Oregon newspaper about a traditional Latino celebration as told through the eyes of a father. It was only after reading the article that I realized it was actually written by his daughter!

Clearly this dad’s love for his daughter is evident as he shares his perspective on the biggest day in his 15-year old daughter’s life, her Quinceañera. This event officially marked her leaving childhood behind while publicly embracing womanhood.

He found himself reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday that she was playing with Barbies. It had gone by so fast and now here she was all grown up. He was filled with joy as he proudly stood by her as she was celebrated by family and friends.

Especially touching in the article was a picture of dad kneeling at the feet of his daughter, removing her flat shoes while slipping onto her feet a pair of heels, as if she was a princess at the ball. In response to this interaction Dad says,

“Seeing her walk in heels was probably what made it all real for me. She hadn’t worn heels because she wasn’t supposed to, so seeing her stumble around and try to find her balance was just reminding me that she was going to struggle on her road ahead and she was going to have to make herself stable again on her own.”

This dad gets it. He was nearby, waiting in the wings, ready to catch her if she did fall. But he also knew he couldn’t keep her from wobbling, and though she might stumble and struggle to find her footing at times, he believed that she would get stronger with practice. 

Though I’ve never attended a Quinceañera, this story makes me wish I had. Even in the written story I could feel the incredible love that was being poured over this teenage girl, especially from her father, as four main events represented her transition from little girl to grown woman:

• The changing of her shoes from flats to heels

• Her dance with her last doll

• Her crowning with a tiara

• The dance with her father (which is said to be the most important part of the entire event)

Reading this story made me wonder what it would be like if every branch of society took a cue from cultures like this where dads actively celebrate and mark their daughter’s maturation in some kind of significant way.

WAIT, we CAN emulate Latino cultures by following their lead!

What would it be like if dads everywhere found a special way to let their maturing daughters know that as a dad they’re dialed in, present, and on board as she transitions into womanhood?

I wonder what would happen if every girl, like the one in this article, knew that she had a day marked out for her where her dad treated her like the belle of the ball in a significant and celebratory way to confirm that she has profound value in his eyes. She would have that day and that event to look forward to long before it took place.

And if a big shindig isn’t your daughter’s style, perhaps you could plan a day to honor her somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15 as she officially starts her journey as a young woman:

• Maybe you could take her on a dad-daughter hike to a beautiful place in your state initiating a new annual tradition that celebrates her love of adventure and nature.

• Maybe she’s the type of girl who would enjoy a dinner party hosted at a restaurant with a few family and/or friends where you could surprise her by writing and reading a letter about what gifts you see in her that make you proud of her.

• Maybe you could have a fancy dinner at home (one that has her favorite food and done in an extra special way that shows forethought with décor and fancy dinnerware) where you read her a handwritten letter while the rest of the family listens, ending with a dance in the living room to a pre-selected song. Ask another family member to record it for future enjoyment (at least by you if that isn’t her thing!).

• Maybe she would like a piece of special jewelry that will remind her every time she wears it that she’s your girl and you love her to pieces.

• Maybe she’s wired to do a risk-taking activity that activates her adrenaline while proving to herself that she’s brave, like bungee jumping, scuba diving, climbing a rock wall, or running a half marathon (and the best part is that you can do it with her…if you’re able).

These are just a few ideas to spur your creativity and motivate you to plan ahead by creating an event to let your daughter know that you’re excited to see your little girl grow up.

Share your ideas with her and together decide what would have the most meaning to her. And if she’s already grown, you can do still do this in retrospect; she’ll still love the fact that you’re celebrating her now.

Dad, let’s start with practical steps. Connect with your daughter today---through your written, texted, or spoken words---and let her know that you celebrate the girl and woman she is. She’ll shine inside and out as you honor her today!