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It’s my joy and honor to equip dads with practical tools to better dial into their daughters’ hearts.

With 25 years of experience as a licensed professional counselor and over 35 years working directly with teens and young adult women. Dr. Michelle Watson brings practical wisdom to dads with daughters of all ages.

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10 Do's for Leading Your Daughter to Resolve Conflict

Michelle Watson

In my last blog you learned 10 things NOT to do (I called them “DON’T’s”) when it comes to leading the way in resolving conflicts with your daughter. And today is Part 2 with 10 things to DO to bring peace to your daughter during stressful times. 

These conflict resolution skills are designed to help YOU stay grounded to lead your daughter to a positive resolution with you at the helm.

You notice I’m using the word LEAD more than once. This is because it’s up to YOU to take the initiative to model healthy responses to your daughter. I know it’s easier said than done, but because your little apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, the better able you are to stay regulated and calm, the better able she’ll be to follow your lead and regulate herself.

Before I share the DO’s list for solid conflict resolution, let’s review the DON’T’s of things to avoid as you help your daughter resolve conflicts in a positive way with you, her siblings and friends. (At the end of this blog, I’m attaching a pdf you can copy off and put it in a prominent place as a reminder of these 20 truths). 

10 DON’T’s for Leading Your Daughter to Resolve Conflicts:

  1. DON’T raise your voice and escalate by yelling.

  2. DON’T fire words at her, coupled with intense emotion in an attempt to gain control of her and/or the situation.

  3. DON’T disrespect her while demanding that she respect you.

  4. DON’T forget that she will follow your example.

  5. DON’T expect her to be the first to soften her tone and react right.

  6. DON’T demand that she immediately respond to what you say or ask.

  7. DON’T walk away while shouting or reacting.

  8. DON’T make fun of her for what she says or how she feels.

  9. DON’T go it alone.

  10. DON’T believe the lie that you don’t matter when it comes to shaping your daughter’s life and identity.

Whew….you made it through the list of DON’T’s! Well done. Now take a breath and soak in the positive things you can do to help turn things in a better direction when the intensity increases…in you and your daughter.

 
 

10 DO's to Lead Your Daughter to Resolve Conflict:

  1. DO treat her the way you want to be treated. (If you want her to respect you and/or her mom, your home/rules, etc., make sure you’re modeling what respect looks like in action).

  2. DO lead by example. (You’re a leader, whether you know it or not. Your daughter will follow your lead by watching how you respond to her and those around you).

  3. DO stay calm and filter every word that comes out of your mouth. (Do this just like you do when you’re at your best, in a public place, or on the job while being mindful that your responses are being watched and they matter. This requires self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit so He will help you if you ask).

  4. DO take a “time out” when you’re triggered that matches your age. (For example, if you’re 35 years old, take 35 minutes to walk away from the situation so your brain can calm itself. Then come back and continue the interaction. You’ll never regret waiting to address something later…guarantee it!)

  5. DO be the first to admit wrong and ask forgiveness for your part in the conflict. (When you own your stuff, take responsibility, and make amends, she will respond positively to your vulnerability and humility).

  6. DO try texting or writing a note to express yourself. (This will allow her to hear your words without being triggered or overwhelmed by the intensity of your words, tone, and body language).

  7. DO ask your daughter’s mom or other adult females to help you decode your daughter and better understand her point of view. (Be open to input from others to expand your awareness beyond what you know or have experienced).

  8. DO get close enough to see her eyes during the conflict and seek to validate the place inside where she is hurting. (Eyes are the window to the soul and when you see her hurt, you’ll be better able to reach her heart).

  9. DO listen more than talk as you seek to grasp what she’s saying and hear where she needs you to understand. (Ask more questions than giving statements because the more she feels heard, seen and understood by you, the quicker she’ll calm down and co-regulate with you. Communicate that you want to understand and need her help to do so).

  10. DO rest assured that long after the conflict is over, she will remember that you loved her as you’ve sought to win her heart more than the argument. (This is about looking at the bigger picture and thinking about the long game beyond the present moment and conflict).

These 20 specific ways to be a leader in your home as you seek to model relational health with your daughter. And though every one of these skills takes practice, they provide a road map for intentional, positive investment in her life.

As I shared last time, I trust this list of DO’s and DON’T’s serves to remind you during challenging moments that you can actually strengthen your relationship with your daughter and deepen your bond by how you proactively work through the situation to a positive resolution.

To download the PDF with all 20 Do's and Don'ts, click here. 

I’m cheering you on as you DECREASE YOUR DON’T’s and INREASE YOUR DO’s when it comes to being a conflict resolver. Go Dad!

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categories Do's and Don'ts