9 Ways to Start a Conversation About Romance with Your Daughter on Valentine's Day

Do you remember Valentine’s Day as a kid?

For me it was all about reading the fun messages on those little conversation hearts and eating the whole box in one sitting while figuring out whether to give my favorite Valentine to Steve Dobson or Dave O’Gieblyn.

I remember the class parties we’d have at the end of the school day every February 14th when everyone would finally open up their individually decorated boxes that held the Valentines our classmates had been putting there during the week. I can recall trying to be coy, but secretly hoping that those two boys in particular would give me an extra special Valentine that just might hold some clue as to whether they liked me back.

Yes, in sixth grade, that was as deep as this holiday got for me!

Funny as that is, I’m reflecting now on the fact that even as a pre-teen I was already tuned in to the way that Valentine’s Day had a mysterious, intriguing tone when it came to romance (even if I wasn’t fully aware of it back then!).

Before continuing, I want to assert that not all girls and women are into the romance thing. Some love it and some don’t. Yet in my experience, I would say that the strong majority of females are positively responsive when it comes to the idea of being pursued and romanced.

Let me say it another way as it relates to your daughter: She wants to be treasured by someone, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day of the year.

So, if this is the longing of her heart, you as her dad have the perfect opportunity this week to let her know that she’s the joy of your life, just like you felt when she was born [even if she’s in a season where she’s more reactive and less responsive].

In light of all this, Dad, here’s your challenge: Use this weekend to spend extra time with your daughter where you invite her to share her thoughts, feelings, longings, and opinions about romance…with you.

And if this kind of conversation isn’t “her thing,” that’s okay. I’ve talked with many dads who have still had lively discussions with their daughters on this topic, even when their girls responded negatively to the way our culture is positioned around this theme.

The important thing is to open up a conversation with your daughter while she gives voice to what’s inside her.

And to set you up for success, here are some questions you can ask her to lead the conversation about romance:

Dad, if you want to download a pdf of of these questions, click here

1. What do you remember it being like as a little girl when you’d see romance in books or movies? What did you like or not like in those stories?

2. It seems that a lot of Disney [or other] movies emphasize romance. As you look back, what are your thoughts about how romance was portrayed?

3. Now that you’re older, do you ever think about lessons you were taught about romance from your favorite books or movies? What were some of those lessons, especially regarding what it takes to be chosen and romanced?

4. What messages about being a girl/woman did you get from books or movies then…or now? Was there ever a message that being beautiful tied to being romanced?

5. Whether it was in fantasy (through books/movies) or real life, what have you seen or learned about the girls/women who don’t get chosen?

6. How do you see yourself when it comes to being romanced? Do you feel positively or negatively about it?

7. If you’re okay sharing it, what are your hopes, dreams, and thoughts about what you want romance to be like for you? Be as honest as you can, even if your wishes seem out of the realm of possibility.

8. Have you ever been romanced in the way you’ve envisioned or hoped it would be? What has meant the most to your heart to make you feel valued and important?

9. If I were to fill up your love tank by making you feel more loved and special, what could I do specifically to make you feel those things now? (Dad, be willing to press in here while encouraging her to be honest so you learn at least one or two specific ways to pursue her heart.)

For extra Dad points: Bring her a box of conversation hearts and tell her that you’re enjoying this conversation about her heart!

So that’s how you can make a forever love deposit into her heart. She talks and you listen.

To Valentine’s Day and beyond!

For a list of more questions to invite your daughter to open up with you, check out my newest book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters https://amzn.to/3fDAhZd