Like Father, Like Daughter

We’ve all heard it said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. For some of us that’s a compliment while for others it feels more like a curse… or at least a major bummer.

When we look in the Bible there sometimes is a pattern to the apple-tree thing but at other times the whole father-to-child legacy doesn’t seem to play out according to plan.

Take Josiah, for instance.  He became king of Judah after the assassination of his father Amon, a king who majorly influenced his people to turn away from God just like his father Manasseh had done before him. Then in the middle of a virtual no man’s land in the purity department, eight-year old Josiah pops up as a righteous, God-fearing king who instituted major spiritual reforms. It’s a mystery as to where his clarity came from at such a young age, especially with relatively no male role model set anywhere in his family tree.  

That right there should give hope to anyone who thinks that their fate is sealed if they come from a screwed up family, and particularly one where the male side hasn’t perhaps been the most stellar examples. Josiah is proof that in each generation we get to make our own choices.

There’s another dad in the Bible who catches my attention. This dad was an awesome role model to his daughter. Caleb and his friend Joshua were the two spies who went into the Promised Land when there were giants inhabiting it. Instead of being freaked out or intimidated by the giants in the land, they saw with eyes of faith and believed that God would keep His promise to give them their land.

Now fast forward to the time where Caleb steps into his role as a dad. His daughter’s name was Achsah and just like her dad, she was a woman of faith and courage, a woman with a voice who wasn’t afraid to ask for what she wanted. It’s obvious that her dad had modeled to her what it meant to be bold and forthright.

Let’s pick up the story in Joshua 15, verse 18:  “One day when Achsah came to her husband, she urged him to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, “What can I do for you?” 

I LOVE that question from dad to daughter!  It’s so simple yet so profound. These are six words that every dad should memorize and use regularly.

Caleb brings himself to his daughter’s problem. He is willing to invest of his own time and resources to help her. (And it’s worth noting that he was still a dialed in dad even after his daughter was married!)

Notice the freedom of honest clarity that flows from Achsah’s mouth as she responds to her dad’s question by asking him to do her a special favor and give her springs of water. She obviously knew that she had the foundation of relationship with her dad to ask him for a “special favor.” There was no fear there. She knew he would listen. And the cool thing is that he does it for her. We read that “Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs.” (v. 19)

Do you notice how easily she responded to her dad’s question about what she wanted without holding back?

Do you notice how this dad offered the gift of his attention----solely focused on her?

Do you notice how he gives his daughter more than she asked for?

Dads, I’d encourage you to begin making these six words a regular part of your interactions with your daughters. I promise it will be a life-changer in the way your daughter responds to you!

Thanks Caleb for being a fantastic role model of a dialed-in dad! I know you’ve led the way for countless Girldads in the 21st century to follow in your footsteps.

An Open Letter to Daughters Everywhere (Guest Blog by Don Blackwell)

Don is a long-time friend of mine and I’m honored he’s joining us today as he puts into writing what I believe all of you GirlDads want to say to your daughters.
~ Michelle

Dads are notoriously poor communicators when it comes to feelings, especially with their daughters.

Too often, our silence, awkwardness, or inability to find right words is interpreted as disinterest, insensitivity, or a lack of empathy.

Truth is many fathers silently long for a closer relationship with their daughters, even when they aren't sure how to build one.

So, if my fellow dads will permit, I'd like to share an open letter to daughters everywhere who may still be wondering about us. [And Dad, if my message expresses your heart, feel free to share it with your daughter from you].

To Our Daughters –

It seems like only yesterday that we held you in our arms for the first time.

It was love at first sight.

From that moment on, you’ve held a very special place in our hearts – a place reserved only for you.

When you were little, it was “easy” to let you know that. We could hold you tight, comfort you when you were sad, tell you bedtime stories and tuck you in – and we did. You probably don’t remember those moments, but we do.

But, as you grew older, things got more complicated for us where you were concerned.

You were becoming young women, perhaps before both of us were ready – and we weren’t sure how to respond, how we fit in to your emerging womanhood.

We wondered if it was still “okay” to hold you as tightly as we once did (or hold you at all), to kiss you, to tuck you into bed – to dry your tears and comfort you.

We looked for other ways to stay connected with you, ways to stay engaged in your life, to discern the role you wanted us to play as you entered your teenage years, but we struggled with that – a lot.

We assumed, without asking, that your mom was the person you wanted for all those "girl things" and that you'd let us know if and when you needed us.

Between your mom and your friends, it seemed like you were doing “just fine” and growing more independent with each passing day.

Part of us was content to watch you grow, but we missed you – we missed “us”.

We realize now, however, that we may have missed the most important thing of all – the realization that you were missing us too and maybe even misconstruing our distance and seeming “absence” as indifference.

If only we had known then what we know now.

If only, rather than guess at what each other was thinking or hoping one of us “would get it” from the unspoken “bread crumbs” we were leaving in each other’s lives, we had simply talked, allowed ourselves to be more vulnerable with one another.

Maybe we could both be a little better about that going forward?

In the meantime, lest there be any doubt in your mind, know this . . .

• there has never been a day since you were born when we haven’t loved you,

• a moment that has passed when we haven’t thought of you, or

• a time that we wanted anything but what was best for you –

• today is no exception, nor will tomorrow be.

Because, while we may not always be great at showing, let alone expressing it, we love you and we value you beyond measure.

Your Dad

Don Blackwell is a trial attorney is Miami and the dad of two now adult children. He is also a tireless mental health advocate within and outside the legal profession. Don is the author of “Dear Ashley ...” - A Father's Reflections and Letters to His Daughter on Life, Love and Hope (2013), and, more recently, of Retune Your Heart – Finding the ‘”Extra” in the Ordinariness of Everyday Life, The Playbook of Your Childhood Heart (2025), and hashtag#todolistfridays - Small Weekly Steps to Building a Big-Hearted Life (2026). 

Need a Father’s Day Gift That Will Extend Father’s Day Throughout the Year?

Need a Father’s Day Gift That Will Extend Father’s Day Throughout the Year? 

Hi y’all…. (Now that I live in Arkansas, I can officially get away with talking like this, right?!)

With Father’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d drop in and suggest a gift that lasts long beyond the day itself: BOOKS! With the content in both of my two books for GirlDads being evergreen, this could be a great gift for any dad you know!

Just this week I received an email from the girlfriend of a guy I met at a men’s conference in Sacramento where I had the privilege of speaking two months ago. She asked for a signed copy since he’s a dad to three daughters and she wants this to be an extra special Father’s Day for him.

This gave me the idea to write y’all and ask if you know any dads who could benefit from these resources since they’re ready to head to homes around America! 

Here’s a quick overview so you can see which is best for the dad in your life:

1. “Dad, Here’s What I Really Need from You: A Guide for Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart” gives dads detailed information about how their daughters are wired. This is also a fitting book for a dad with a younger daughter who wants to better understand her needs as a foundation for connecting with her heart with more precision.

2. “Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters” has 60 topics on all kinds of themes, ranging from body image to boys to self-esteem to dad wounds to spirituality… and everything in between! This is for the dad who wants to go deeper with his daughter in listening to her heart while bonding with her in the process. This is the ultimate dad-daughter date book that is a difference maker between dads and daughters! 

You can find the books on Amazon or any book distributor… OR you can write to me and, for $20 (which includes Media Mail shipping), I’ll sign and send it to you a.s.a.p.! 

So if you know a dad who needs an extra special blessing and resource this Father’s Day, let’s equip dads with proactive resources that support their important role as fathers in ways that extend far beyond June 17th…. GO DADS!

Big hugs from my heart to yours, Dr. Michelle

3 Questions a Dad Might Not Have the Courage to Ask His Daughter

Since the launch of the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I’ve been using John Gray’s terminology to describe my awareness that I, as a woman, live on Venus and you, dad, live on Mars. I’ve found that this creative terminology helps to explain something we all know:

As men and women, we often miss each other’s intent and meaning in our communication because we speak two very different languages.

I’ve actually been planet hopping for over a decade, and the more traveling I do between our respective spheres, the more I’ve sought to transport observations I’ve made from my planet to yours…and vice versa.

One of the observations I’ve collected is something that I’ve noticed about many men. Essentially, it’s that you are often motivated by crisis or need. Stated otherwise: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

To illustrate, rather than focus on you as men, I’ll highlight an ordeal that my mom lived through.

When she was almost 80 years old, she was still working as an RN at the VA (Veterans Affairs). And being the vibrant and active woman that she was then, she typically walked an hour a day, five or six days a week. And though she began noticing a slight shortness of breath for about a year, she thought it was just part of the aging process and downplayed it.

But on one particular Monday, her symptoms intensified, and this started the fastball rolling when my dad rushed her to the ER that evening. Four days later she had emergency open heart surgery. Her surgeon said he’d performed 14,000 heart surgeries during his career and had never seen an aortic valve so calcified—86%! Yes, it’s a miracle that she survived, and thankfully she is still thriving today, six years later.

Here was the question we all asked back then: How could a woman who was very active and in seemingly fine health have such a huge blockage to her heart without any awareness?

Answer: Things had gradually been taking place in her body such that she had acclimated to the changes over time. And because there hadn’t been a crisis, there was no motivation to explore the apparent minor signs and symptoms that were signaling to her that there was a problem. A very serious problem.

Reality suddenly became clear when the crisis arose. And it was the crisis that changed everything.

We all agreed that it would have been so much better and wiser had she tuned into the warning signs before it got to the desperation-emergency-almost-lost-her point.

Here’s the reason I’m sharing this story with you today: to highlight that sometimes it’s the same way with your daughter. It may seem like things are fine within herself and even between you. Maybe you’re assuming that everything is on par because there’s no obvious crisis or need and because she seems okay and hasn’t gotten into trouble or given you cause for concern. Or maybe she’s been a great kid who follows the rules, gets fantastic grades, and hasn’t rebelled. So you conclude that she’s all good and she’ll stay that way.

But what if more is going on under the surface that she…and you or her mom…aren’t tuning in to? This is where it’s key to have regular check in’s and check up’s, just like my mom will now be doing for the rest of her life.

Why not take time now to tune in by taking steps to connect with her insides (a.k.a. her heart and her mind, thoughts, ideas, fears, doubts, wonderings, questions, opinions, needs, longings, feelings, dreams, etc.) rather than risking the potential of emergency treatment down the road? At that desperation point it’s ten times harder to get a handle on things.

So here’s your action step and it’s probably not what you think! This isn’t about you asking your daughter how she’s doing. Instead, it’s about letting her give you feedback on how you’re doing as a dad….in relationship to her.

The reality is that this conversation will give her space to actually reveal some of her heart to you, which will in turn give you a glimpse into what she needs and wants.

Here are three questions you can ask your daughter today:

1. How am I doing as your dad overall? 

2. On a 0 to 10 scale, what rating would you give me right now as your dad (with 10 being the best, 0 being the worst)?

3. What can I do or what could I work on to be a better dad to you?

This may be scary to ask these questions, but I challenge you to do it anyway. And if she gives you a high score and says there’s no room for improvement, perhaps you could offer one idea that you believe would “up your game” so you are more engaged as her father. 

Your daughter may or may not be honest with you, but you can still invite her to respond. She may not feel safe to answer if she fears your reaction. So assure her that you won’t get angry or be defensive. Tell her that you truly want to hear her thoughts and feelings. And if she doesn’t have the courage to tell you her thoughts face to face, suggest that she write her response and text it to you later.

If you want a better, stronger, healthier, and more vibrant relationship with your daughter, I encourage you to ask these three questions a minimum of once a year (option: meet every six months to re-evaluate).

Are you in? Now you have a script ready to go should you dare to accept this challenge!

I’d love to hear from you after you ask your daughter these questions.

• Was it as hard as you thought it would be?

• Did she say what you thought she would say?

• Did you learn anything about yourself after hearing what she told you?

• Did she give you feedback that you can use to change course with her and better connect with her needs and heart space?

Write me at drmichellewatson@gmail.com and let me know how your conversation went. Go Dads!

Curiosity That Leads to Connection Before Correction (Guest Blog by Jeff Zaugg)

As a dad to four daughters (yes, you read that right!), here’s something I’ve come to learn about being an intentional GirlDad. I now ask myself---as well as other dads---this question: What if some of the sweetest discoveries in fatherhood come when we let go of closed mindsets and embrace wonder instead?

My oldest daughter loves to read. I mean, she devours books. But when she's reading, she tunes out everything else around her. I have to ask her questions over and over to get her attention, often walking all the way over and gently touching her shoulder to snap her out of it. And even when I do get her attention, she pushes back, wanting to finish the chapter before doing what I'm asking.

For months, I got frustrated every time I tried to get her attention. She never seemed to hear me. She always pushed back when I interrupted her reading. I was locked into seeing this as pushback and disrespect.

But recently, I sat down with her for a different kind of conversation. Instead of correcting her behavior, I got curious about her experience.

We talked about situational awareness—how she could develop the skill of focusing on her reading while still being aware of what's happening around her. For safety. For being a thoughtful sister. Even for future babysitting jobs where noticing things matters.

That conversation sparked a new approach. Instead of me versus her, it became us creating a plan together. We even tested it with gamification. Her sisters and I create moments in the room to see if she notices.

How many times do we approach fatherhood with assumptions based on surface behaviors?

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Fixed mindsets build barriers, blocking us from the wonder of who our children really are. We get stuck seeing our kids through the lens of frustration rather than fascination.

You might be just one curious conversation away from discovering something incredible about your child that assumptions have kept hidden. I fully believe that God wants to give each of us a sense of wonder. But it's going to require courage to turn up the dial of curiosity and look at our families differently.

Romans 12:2 calls us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." In fatherhood, this transformation starts with curiosity. The willingness to question our assumptions and approach our children with wonder instead of certainty.

Seth Dahl gets this. When I interviewed him on the DadAwesome Podcast, he challenged us as dads to stay curious about our children rather than defaulting to control. 

Part of our job as dads is making sure we're not putting ourselves in God's spot with our kids. Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants to be the one who comforts or convicts them, and if we rush in with all the answers, we might actually get in the way.

I assure you that as a work in progress, I’m seeking to understand the hearts of my daughters before I address their behavior.

Here’s what this looks like in action:

• Instead of seeing arguing as just backtalk, look for honesty, strong feelings, and verbal skills.

• Instead of seeing bossiness as a problem, recognize leadership and assertiveness.

• Instead of seeing stubbornness as defiance, identify determination and intensity of focus.

Yes, each behavior still needs to be addressed and redirected, but when we start by seeing the gift underneath, it helps us maintain connection.

Connected Families suggests a simple format: "I see that you have a powerful gift for __________. How you're using that now is not as helpful as I've seen you use it before. Maybe you could use that gift to help us solve the problem we're dealing with."

This doesn't mean we excuse behaviors or avoid correction when needed. It's about curiosity that leads to connection before correction. When we understand the heart behind the behavior, we can address both the underlying need and the surface action. We're not lowering standards but raising understanding.

For our daughters (and sons), they feel seen, understood, and valued for who they are rather than criticized for who they're not. This security becomes the foundation for healthy risk-taking and growth. 

For ourselves, we rediscover the joy of learning and growth. Parenting becomes less about managing behaviors and more about nurturing souls.

For our relationship, connection deepens as curiosity builds bridges between different perspectives and personalities.

If you’re ready to choose connection over correction while awakening the ripple effect of wonder in yourself and your daughter:

1. Pause Your Assumptions - When you catch yourself making assumptions about your child, stop. Pause and pray for wisdom, then ask yourself: "What if I'm wrong about this?" The pause creates space for curiosity to enter.

2. Lean Into Curiosity - Instead of immediately correcting or controlling, get curious. Ask the Holy Spirit what's really going on. What might your child be experiencing? What story are they telling themselves? What need might they be expressing?

3. Experiment With Fresh Perspective – Try something new. Pick one behavior that typically triggers you and commit to responding differently for just one week. Try questions instead of commands, patience instead of frustration.

This simple process transforms moments of potential frustration into opportunities for discovery.

When we pause our assumptions, lean into curiosity, and experiment with fresh perspective, we often find that our "difficult" daughter is simply showing us parts of themselves we hadn't noticed before.

By choosing curiosity over assumption, it shifts us from pride to humility, from thinking we have our kids figured out to recognizing God gave us these children to humble us and teach us.

 
Jeff Zaugg founded DadAwesome after one question grabbed his heart: "How do you stay intentional as a dad?" That question sparked 400+ podcast conversations and a mission to help fathers move from autopilot to prayerfully intentional. Over 550 nights in an RV, countless campfire conversations, ten fatherhood coaching cohorts, and thirty activation events across the country, Jeff is building a community of dads who live from the love of their Heavenly Father and pour that love into their families. Jeff and Michelle are raising four daughters near the beach in Florida. Together they love catching waves, building forts, riding bikes, and training for obstacle course races.

His first book was just launched last week titled, “DADAWESOME: Dad Discoveries to Activate Awesomeness” and is available here: