How the Quinceañera Teaches Fathers to Celebrate Their Daughters
Michelle Watson
There’s nothing I love better than hearing a heart-warming father-daughter story.
Exhibit A: I found this story tucked on the back page of a small-town Oregon newspaper about a traditional Latino celebration as told through the eyes of a father. It was only after reading the article that I realized it was actually written by his daughter!
Clearly this dad’s love for his daughter is evident as he shares his perspective on the biggest day in his 15-year old daughter’s life, her Quinceañera. This event officially marked her leaving childhood behind while publicly embracing womanhood.
He found himself reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday that she was playing with Barbies. It had gone by so fast and now here she was all grown up. He was filled with joy as he proudly stood by her as she was celebrated by family and friends.
Especially touching in the article was a picture of dad kneeling at the feet of his daughter, removing her flat shoes while slipping onto her feet a pair of heels, as if she was a princess at the ball. In response to this interaction Dad says,
“Seeing her walk in heels was probably what made it all real for me. She hadn’t worn heels because she wasn’t supposed to, so seeing her stumble around and try to find her balance was just reminding me that she was going to struggle on her road ahead and she was going to have to make herself stable again on her own.”
This dad gets it. He was nearby, waiting in the wings, ready to catch her if she did fall. But he also knew he couldn’t keep her from wobbling, and though she might stumble and struggle to find her footing at times, he believed that she would get stronger with practice.
Though I’ve never attended a Quinceañera, this story makes me wish I had. Even in the written story I could feel the incredible love that was being poured over this teenage girl, especially from her father, as four main events represented her transition from little girl to grown woman:
The changing of her shoes from flats to heels
Her dance with her last doll
Her crowning with a tiara
The dance with her father (which is said to be the most important part of the entire event)
Reading this story made me wonder what it would be like if every branch of society took a cue from cultures like this where dads actively celebrate and mark their daughter’s maturation in some kind of significant way.
WAIT, we CAN emulate Latino cultures by following their lead!
What would it be like if dads everywhere found a special way to let their maturing daughters know that as a dad they’re dialed in, present, and on board as she transitions into womanhood?
I wonder what would happen if every girl, like the one in this article, knew that she had a day marked out for her where her dad treated her like the belle of the ball in a significant and celebratory way to confirm that she has profound value in his eyes. She would have that day and that event to look forward to long before it took place.
And if a big shindig isn’t your daughter’s style, perhaps you could plan a day to honor her somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15 as she officially starts her journey as a young woman:
Maybe you could take her on a dad-daughter hike to a beautiful place in your state initiating a new annual tradition that celebrates her love of adventure and nature.
Maybe she’s the type of girl who would enjoy a dinner party hosted at a restaurant with a few family and/or friends where you could surprise her by writing and reading a letter about what gifts you see in her that make you proud of her.
Maybe you could have a fancy dinner at home (one that has her favorite food and done in an extra special way that shows forethought with décor and fancy dinnerware) where you read her a handwritten letter while the rest of the family listens, ending with a dance in the living room to a pre-selected song. Ask another family member to record it for future enjoyment (at least by you if that isn’t her thing!).
Maybe she would like a piece of special jewelry that will remind her every time she wears it that she’s your girl and you love her to pieces.
Maybe she’s wired to do a risk-taking activity that activates her adrenaline while proving to herself that she’s brave, like bungee jumping, scuba diving, climbing a rock wall, or running a half marathon (and the best part is that you can do it with her…if you’re able).
These are just a few ideas to spur your creativity and motivate you to plan ahead by creating an event to let your daughter know that you’re excited to see your little girl grow up.
Share your ideas with her and together decide what would have the most meaning to her. And if she’s already grown, you can do still do this in retrospect; she’ll still love the fact that you’re celebrating her now.
Dad, let’s start with practical steps. Connect with your daughter today---through your written, texted, or spoken words---and let her know that you celebrate the girl and woman she is. She’ll shine inside and out as you honor her today!