One Surprising Trait Your Daughter Should Look for in the Men She Dates (Guest blog by Kent Evans)

If you’re a dad with a young daughter at home, you may feel the tension as she matures and starts making more of her own decisions. In fact, there are some words that, at their very mention, sends a dad’s heart rate soaring.

One of those words? Dating.

On one hand, you’re praying for your little princess’s future husband. And you know that boy was you a decade or three ago. You’re not against her ever meeting a boy. Probably!

But, you realize that so many young men have, at best, mixed agendas. I repeat – that was you not so long ago. You know. So, how can she sift the wheat from the chaff? When she begins meeting young men, how will she know Mr. Right when she sees him?

As a starting point, you’ll surely tell her to look for a strong faith foundation. You’ll quote the verse about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), and you’ll encourage her to find a guy who’s serious about his walk with the Lord. She may or may not follow your advice, but still, that goes without saying.

But then, what’s next? Perhaps, you’ll tell her to look for chivalric actions such as greeting her at the door, bringing her home on time, or paying for the dinner and the movie? Or to see if he can hold down a job?

You’ll trot out a long list of suitor prerequisites, I’m sure. You’ll mention faith, respect, and kindness. You’ll ask about his grades in school or whether he eats Cheetos and plays video games all the time. You may even insist he not be a fan of that one team. No way you could tolerate someone who cheers for them.

But there’s one key ingredient that is a canary in the coal mine. It’s an indicator, a dashboard light either glowing cheerful green or alarming red.

It tells you more about this young man’s character than his caloric intake, economic capacity or personal hygiene habits.

It’s like taking a hard look at a home’s foundation. If you spot a massive crack, buyer beware. But, conversely, if you see a solid footing, you know this home is built on solid ground.

What is this key ingredient?

What’s one trait – not the only one, mind you – but a key character trait that can tell you a lot about a guy?

Here it is: Can this young man apologize when he makes a mistake?

Now, I’m not saying all those other traits don’t matter. They do! Any GirlDad worth his salt will have a litany of things he’s looking for in the boy who gets to meet his precious daughter at the altar. Cheeto-dust under the fingernails is but one incriminating clue amidst a sea of observable aspects of a man’s character.

But, the ability to apologize? It speaks volumes.

Even for something as simple as being late to pick her up, or forgetting their one-month anniversary (is that a thing?), if a guy can apologize, it tells you a lot about his husband-readiness.

Why is this? There are at least five reasons.

1. If he apologizes of his own volition – not just because he was caught – it tells you that he can spot his own mistakes.
   What’s better than being able to receive correction? Being able to self-correct, that’s what. A man with self-control is like a strong city (Proverbs 25:28; 2 Timothy 1:7).

2. It suggests a soft heart.
   He wants to do right, and he knows he missed the mark. So, his heart eats at him until he says he’s sorry. David asked God to search his heart, and the young man who wins your daughter’s should do the same (Psalm 139:23–24; 1 Corinthians 11:31).

3. While we want our girl’s man to have a soft heart, we don’t want him to be weak. The man who can apologize is not fragile. He’s not an ego-guarder. It takes a real man to boast in his weakness and confess a transgression (Proverbs 28:13; 2 Corinthians 12:9).

4. He wants to get better.
   He has, as author Carol Dweck would put it, a growth mindset. He’s on the path toward improvement, and he knows that apologizing and learning from his mistakes is part and parcel to that. He hasn’t arrived yet and wants to be wiser still (Proverbs 9:9; Philippians 3:12).

5. He honors your daughter.
   Your future son-in-law will not be perfect, but he’d better be able to honor your girl. When a guy can apologize, it’s the verbal equivalent of throwing his coat over the puddle. He’s considering her above himself. (Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:3).

Dad, hold the bar high for your daughter’s would-be future mate. Don’t budge an inch on evaluating his character and clearly stating your expectations. Your standards will likely involve topics around faith, responsibility, and finances, to name just a few.

But, keep your eye on what happens when he makes a mistake. Even small ones.

Does your daughter’s future man need to be perfect? Clearly not. You’ve been in his shoes, and you’d have never been able to meet a perfect standard.

However, amidst his many capacities and abilities, can this young man apologize? Can he see his sin, take responsibility, and then, in an act of humility, apologize and seek forgiveness and reconciliation?

If he can, he just might be a keeper.