The Dating Advice I Mistakenly Got from a Chatbot Disguised as a Rabbi

I literally cannot believe I just fell for this scam…but I did!

I watched a video by someone I thought was a well-respected Jewish Rabbi, only to later discover that “he” is actually an AI-generated persona.

I suppose I should have known better. But rather than delete his message, I figure it’s worth passing along to you because of the wisdom that’s packed into it.

Here’s what “Rabbi Stirberg“ had to say:

“Jewish fathers tell their daughters one thing at age 13 that changes everything. Most fathers never have this conversation at all. We sit our girls down before they start dating and tell them something that sounds harsh.

You are not the prize to be won. You are the judge deciding if he deserves to be chosen.

Most girls grow up thinking the goal is to be pretty enough that a boy wants them. We teach the opposite. The goal is not to be picked. The goal is to pick someone worth your time.

Then we teach them one question to ask about every boy they meet. Does he add value to my life or does he just make me feel good? Because feeling good lasts three months. Value lasts a lifetime.

A boy who adds value does three things:

      1. He makes you sharper, not softer.
      2. He challenges you to grow, not stay comfortable.
      3. He has a plan for his future, not just feelings about his present.

Most fathers raise daughters who ask, ‘Am I good enough for him?’ We raise daughters who ask, ‘Is he good enough for me?’

By the time your daughters choose partners, they're choosing whoever makes them feel wanted. By the time ours choose, they're choosing whoever makes them better. This isn't about being cold.

This is about understanding that who you choose determines the trajectory of your entire life. The wrong partner costs you decades. The right partner multiplies everything you are.

The Talmud teaches that a woman builds her house or tears it down with her own hands. The most important decision she makes is who she lets inside.

Teach your daughters they are the ones doing the choosing, not the ones hoping to be chosen.”

So what do you think?

To me, it seems like sound advice for a dad to teach his daughter.

More specifically, I appreciate the focus here on fathers challenging their daughters to use MORE WISDOM AND SCRUTINY when it comes to choosing a life partner. I think too often the romance paradigm glamorizes the hard work it takes to be in a healthy and vibrant relationship. Additionally, that one decision has EVERYTHING to do with EVERYTHING in her life (even if she chooses not to marry).

I also appreciate that the directive for women to be MORE CHOOSY when it comes to the men she dates…and the one she ultimately marries. This needs to be communicated from dads to their daughters of all ages. It’s vitally important for dads to encourage their daughters to ask themselves if he truly adds value to her life and makes her better.

Dad, I encourage you to open up this conversation with your daughter. You can start by reading her this blog.

And if you want to interact with her on the topics of dating and marriage but don’t know where to start, here’s the link to my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters where I have scripts for you to lead the dialogue. Go Dads!