Curiosity That Leads to Connection Before Correction (Guest Blog by Jeff Zaugg)

As a dad to four daughters (yes, you read that right!), here’s something I’ve come to learn about being an intentional GirlDad. I now ask myself---as well as other dads---this question: What if some of the sweetest discoveries in fatherhood come when we let go of closed mindsets and embrace wonder instead?

My oldest daughter loves to read. I mean, she devours books. But when she's reading, she tunes out everything else around her. I have to ask her questions over and over to get her attention, often walking all the way over and gently touching her shoulder to snap her out of it. And even when I do get her attention, she pushes back, wanting to finish the chapter before doing what I'm asking.

For months, I got frustrated every time I tried to get her attention. She never seemed to hear me. She always pushed back when I interrupted her reading. I was locked into seeing this as pushback and disrespect.

But recently, I sat down with her for a different kind of conversation. Instead of correcting her behavior, I got curious about her experience.

We talked about situational awareness—how she could develop the skill of focusing on her reading while still being aware of what's happening around her. For safety. For being a thoughtful sister. Even for future babysitting jobs where noticing things matters.

That conversation sparked a new approach. Instead of me versus her, it became us creating a plan together. We even tested it with gamification. Her sisters and I create moments in the room to see if she notices.

How many times do we approach fatherhood with assumptions based on surface behaviors?

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Fixed mindsets build barriers, blocking us from the wonder of who our children really are. We get stuck seeing our kids through the lens of frustration rather than fascination.

You might be just one curious conversation away from discovering something incredible about your child that assumptions have kept hidden. I fully believe that God wants to give each of us a sense of wonder. But it's going to require courage to turn up the dial of curiosity and look at our families differently.

Romans 12:2 calls us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." In fatherhood, this transformation starts with curiosity. The willingness to question our assumptions and approach our children with wonder instead of certainty.

Seth Dahl gets this. When I interviewed him on the DadAwesome Podcast, he challenged us as dads to stay curious about our children rather than defaulting to control. 

Part of our job as dads is making sure we're not putting ourselves in God's spot with our kids. Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants to be the one who comforts or convicts them, and if we rush in with all the answers, we might actually get in the way.

I assure you that as a work in progress, I’m seeking to understand the hearts of my daughters before I address their behavior.

Here’s what this looks like in action:

• Instead of seeing arguing as just backtalk, look for honesty, strong feelings, and verbal skills.

• Instead of seeing bossiness as a problem, recognize leadership and assertiveness.

• Instead of seeing stubbornness as defiance, identify determination and intensity of focus.

Yes, each behavior still needs to be addressed and redirected, but when we start by seeing the gift underneath, it helps us maintain connection.

Connected Families suggests a simple format: "I see that you have a powerful gift for __________. How you're using that now is not as helpful as I've seen you use it before. Maybe you could use that gift to help us solve the problem we're dealing with."

This doesn't mean we excuse behaviors or avoid correction when needed. It's about curiosity that leads to connection before correction. When we understand the heart behind the behavior, we can address both the underlying need and the surface action. We're not lowering standards but raising understanding.

For our daughters (and sons), they feel seen, understood, and valued for who they are rather than criticized for who they're not. This security becomes the foundation for healthy risk-taking and growth. 

For ourselves, we rediscover the joy of learning and growth. Parenting becomes less about managing behaviors and more about nurturing souls.

For our relationship, connection deepens as curiosity builds bridges between different perspectives and personalities.

If you’re ready to choose connection over correction while awakening the ripple effect of wonder in yourself and your daughter:

1. Pause Your Assumptions - When you catch yourself making assumptions about your child, stop. Pause and pray for wisdom, then ask yourself: "What if I'm wrong about this?" The pause creates space for curiosity to enter.

2. Lean Into Curiosity - Instead of immediately correcting or controlling, get curious. Ask the Holy Spirit what's really going on. What might your child be experiencing? What story are they telling themselves? What need might they be expressing?

3. Experiment With Fresh Perspective – Try something new. Pick one behavior that typically triggers you and commit to responding differently for just one week. Try questions instead of commands, patience instead of frustration.

This simple process transforms moments of potential frustration into opportunities for discovery.

When we pause our assumptions, lean into curiosity, and experiment with fresh perspective, we often find that our "difficult" daughter is simply showing us parts of themselves we hadn't noticed before.

By choosing curiosity over assumption, it shifts us from pride to humility, from thinking we have our kids figured out to recognizing God gave us these children to humble us and teach us.

 
Jeff Zaugg founded DadAwesome after one question grabbed his heart: "How do you stay intentional as a dad?" That question sparked 400+ podcast conversations and a mission to help fathers move from autopilot to prayerfully intentional. Over 550 nights in an RV, countless campfire conversations, ten fatherhood coaching cohorts, and thirty activation events across the country, Jeff is building a community of dads who live from the love of their Heavenly Father and pour that love into their families. Jeff and Michelle are raising four daughters near the beach in Florida. Together they love catching waves, building forts, riding bikes, and training for obstacle course races.

His first book was just launched last week titled, “DADAWESOME: Dad Discoveries to Activate Awesomeness” and is available here: