One Surprising Trait Your Daughter Should Look for in the Men She Dates (Guest blog by Kent Evans)

If you’re a dad with a young daughter at home, you may feel the tension as she matures and starts making more of her own decisions. In fact, there are some words that, at their very mention, sends a dad’s heart rate soaring.

One of those words? Dating.

On one hand, you’re praying for your little princess’s future husband. And you know that boy was you a decade or three ago. You’re not against her ever meeting a boy. Probably!

But, you realize that so many young men have, at best, mixed agendas. I repeat – that was you not so long ago. You know. So, how can she sift the wheat from the chaff? When she begins meeting young men, how will she know Mr. Right when she sees him?

As a starting point, you’ll surely tell her to look for a strong faith foundation. You’ll quote the verse about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), and you’ll encourage her to find a guy who’s serious about his walk with the Lord. She may or may not follow your advice, but still, that goes without saying.

But then, what’s next? Perhaps, you’ll tell her to look for chivalric actions such as greeting her at the door, bringing her home on time, or paying for the dinner and the movie? Or to see if he can hold down a job?

You’ll trot out a long list of suitor prerequisites, I’m sure. You’ll mention faith, respect, and kindness. You’ll ask about his grades in school or whether he eats Cheetos and plays video games all the time. You may even insist he not be a fan of that one team. No way you could tolerate someone who cheers for them.

But there’s one key ingredient that is a canary in the coal mine. It’s an indicator, a dashboard light either glowing cheerful green or alarming red.

It tells you more about this young man’s character than his caloric intake, economic capacity or personal hygiene habits.

It’s like taking a hard look at a home’s foundation. If you spot a massive crack, buyer beware. But, conversely, if you see a solid footing, you know this home is built on solid ground.

What is this key ingredient?

What’s one trait – not the only one, mind you – but a key character trait that can tell you a lot about a guy?

Here it is: Can this young man apologize when he makes a mistake?

Now, I’m not saying all those other traits don’t matter. They do! Any GirlDad worth his salt will have a litany of things he’s looking for in the boy who gets to meet his precious daughter at the altar. Cheeto-dust under the fingernails is but one incriminating clue amidst a sea of observable aspects of a man’s character.

But, the ability to apologize? It speaks volumes.

Even for something as simple as being late to pick her up, or forgetting their one-month anniversary (is that a thing?), if a guy can apologize, it tells you a lot about his husband-readiness.

Why is this? There are at least five reasons.

1. If he apologizes of his own volition – not just because he was caught – it tells you that he can spot his own mistakes.
   What’s better than being able to receive correction? Being able to self-correct, that’s what. A man with self-control is like a strong city (Proverbs 25:28; 2 Timothy 1:7).

2. It suggests a soft heart.
   He wants to do right, and he knows he missed the mark. So, his heart eats at him until he says he’s sorry. David asked God to search his heart, and the young man who wins your daughter’s should do the same (Psalm 139:23–24; 1 Corinthians 11:31).

3. While we want our girl’s man to have a soft heart, we don’t want him to be weak. The man who can apologize is not fragile. He’s not an ego-guarder. It takes a real man to boast in his weakness and confess a transgression (Proverbs 28:13; 2 Corinthians 12:9).

4. He wants to get better.
   He has, as author Carol Dweck would put it, a growth mindset. He’s on the path toward improvement, and he knows that apologizing and learning from his mistakes is part and parcel to that. He hasn’t arrived yet and wants to be wiser still (Proverbs 9:9; Philippians 3:12).

5. He honors your daughter.
   Your future son-in-law will not be perfect, but he’d better be able to honor your girl. When a guy can apologize, it’s the verbal equivalent of throwing his coat over the puddle. He’s considering her above himself. (Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:3).

Dad, hold the bar high for your daughter’s would-be future mate. Don’t budge an inch on evaluating his character and clearly stating your expectations. Your standards will likely involve topics around faith, responsibility, and finances, to name just a few.

But, keep your eye on what happens when he makes a mistake. Even small ones.

Does your daughter’s future man need to be perfect? Clearly not. You’ve been in his shoes, and you’d have never been able to meet a perfect standard.

However, amidst his many capacities and abilities, can this young man apologize? Can he see his sin, take responsibility, and then, in an act of humility, apologize and seek forgiveness and reconciliation?

If he can, he just might be a keeper. 

GirlDad Gold: 8 Life Lessons from Alysa Liu and Her Dad

If you watched the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics last month, you no doubt watched the joyous celebration of Alysa Liu when she single-handedly turned women’s figure skating upside down as she won gold. Ever since, this courageous 20-year old is continuing to blow everyone away with her wealth of wisdom that is far beyond her years, as demonstrated with these powerful statements:

 “I love struggling, actually. It makes me feel alive.”

"I'm really confident in myself, and even if I mess up and fall,
that's totally okay.”

"What I like to share about myself is my story, my art and my creative process... A bad story is still a story, and I think that's beautiful. There's no way to lose.”

Wow. Talk about inspirational deep truth. I want to be more like her with a fierce growth mindset, don’t you?

Would you love your daughter to be motivated by a similar self-confidence? Of course you would!

You want to see her thrive as she boldly steps into being all God has made her to be, shaped by resilience even when there’s loss, humbly embracing triumph despite struggle, and courage to never give up or lose sight of who she is.

As you think of your role in supporting your daughter, here are eight life lessons tucked into Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

1. Start by Believing Big
Arthur Liu believed in his daughter early. He saw her spark on the ice and didn’t dismiss it as “just a phase.” He invested time, money, and energy into helping her develop her talent. Alysa became the youngest U.S. women’s national champion in history at age 13. She landed jumps other American women weren’t attempting at the time. But before the titles, there was a dad who said, “I see something in you.”

Lesson for GirlDads:
Your belief becomes her internal voice. When she wonders, “Am I capable?” she will hear echoes of what you’ve said as it repeats inside her mind and heart for years.

2. Support Her Dreams — But Don’t Make Them Yours
Arthur was deeply involved in Alysa’s skating career. His level of involvement helped launch her success…but it also created tension. As Alysa matured, she realized she needed more ownership. She later said she didn’t want her dad to be as invested in her skating as he had been before. That wasn’t rejection (though he may have thought it at the time); this was individuation and differentiation.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There is a fine line between championing her dream and unconsciously adopting it as your identity. The goal is not to live through her success but to stand beside her in it.

3. Excellence Without Joy Has an Expiration Date
Alysa’s early career was meteoric. She broke records, made history, and carried enormous expectations. But eventually, she stepped away from competitive skating — at just 16 years old. Why? Because it had stopped being fun.

She described wanting a more normal life. She wanted to discover who she was as a person, not just as a skater. She wanted to breathe. This decision stunned the skating world. But it revealed something critical: talent without joy cannot sustain a young heart forever.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Ask her regularly: “Are you still loving this?” Not because quitting is the goal — but because joy is fuel. When the passion dies, no amount of pressure will resurrect it in a healthy way.

One of the most striking parts of their story is that Alysa didn’t consult her dad before announcing her retirement. Arthur admitted he felt hurt. But here’s what he did well: he didn’t publicly shame her, pressure her, or try to reverse her choice. He let her own it.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There will come a moment when your daughter makes a decision you disagree with — about sports, college, career, relationships, or life direction. Your response in that moment shapes your long-term connection.

You can be disappointed and still be supportive. That balance is pure gold to a daughter.

5. Step Back So She Can Step Forward
After time away from skating, Alysa chose to return. But this time, she did it differently. She structured her training with more autonomy. She defined the boundaries of her dad’s involvement. And something beautiful happened: she skated freer.

When she returned to the Olympic stage, there was visible joy in her performance. She trusted her intuition and debuted new, unprecedented jumps while enthusiastically celebrating her love of the sport.

Lesson for GirlDads:
If you don’t step back eventually, she can’t fully step into herself. Your willingness to release control communicates trust. And trust breeds confidence in girls and women.

6. Your Relationship Matters More Than the Resumé
It’s easy for high-achieving families to measure everything: scores, rankings, scholarships, titles. But long after the medals tarnish, what remains is the relationship. Despite the tension in their dynamic, Alysa has spoken respectfully about her dad. Arthur has spoken proudly of her — even when she chose differently than he would have preferred. They navigated complexity without severing connection.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Guard your relationship more fiercely than her achievements. If forced to choose between a trophy and trust, choose trust every time. Because when her world shakes — and it will — she’ll run toward safety [a.k.a. you], not away from it [a.k.a. you].

7. Teach Her That Identity Is Bigger Than One Arena
When Alysa retired, she didn’t disappear. She explored life beyond elite sport. She embraced college experiences, friendships, and growth outside of skating. Her identity became more defined as her world expanded.

That’s critical for daughters who grow up in performance-driven environments. If all they’ve ever been told is who they are when they win, they struggle when the applause fades. Arthur’s early focus was largely centered on skating. Over time, the lesson evolved: Alysa is more than her jumps.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Affirm her character more than her competence. Tell her she’s brave, thoughtful, creative, kind — not just talented. A daughter grounded in identity can withstand both failure and fame.

8. Redefine Winning
Gold medals represent discipline, resilience, and excellence. But Alysa’s most meaningful victory may not be a podium moment. It may be that she learned to skate for the joy she found in doing what she loves.
She once expressed that she would still skate even if no one were watching. That’s the kind of intrinsic motivation every father hopes his daughter develops — not performing for approval, but moving from internal conviction. Arthur’s early belief helped launch her. His later restraint allowed her to reclaim ownership and connect to her authentic motivation and inspiration.

That process — from director to supporter — is the hidden gold.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Winning is raising a daughter who can say, “I’m embracing the life God has given me, and I choose to inspire those around me by stepping into my unique gifts and calling.”

What They Did Well — And What They Learned

What they did well:

• Early belief and investment

• Courage to pursue excellence

• Pride without public hostility during hard seasons

• Willingness to evolve the relationship

What they didn’t do perfectly:

• Over-involvement blurred boundaries

• Intensity sometimes overshadowed childhood normalcy

• Communication gaps created hurt

But here’s the hope-filled truth: Perfection isn’t required to raise a strong daughter; growth is.

Dad, you’re in good company with every dad when you acknowledge that you will misstep. You will push too hard sometimes or not hard enough at others. The goal is not flawless fatherhood. The goal is responsive fatherhood — listening, adjusting, and loving through change.

So when your daughter dares to chase a dream that feels bigger than her age, her size, or even her sport, she doesn’t just need talent. She needs a dad who knows when to lean in and when to let go, a dad who celebrates her victories and losses while communicating unconditional love throughout the process.

This is what it looks like to be a gold-winning GirlDad!

Dad, Your Presence IS the Present

Hi Dad…

With the Christmas season in full throttle, I’m guessing you’re like me in running a bit too much, spending a bit too much, eating a bit too much, and finding it challenging to keep up with all the “too muchness” that tends to accompany this season. Yet even with our intended desire to focus on Jesus being the “reason for the season” and enjoying all the merriment, we can still feel overwhelmed with all the demands and needs.

As a dad, you probably have even more expectations of yourself in this season----like you need to keep everyone happy and meet all the needs and cover all the bases. Yet the reality is this is more than anyone can possibly be.

So here’s my way of countering all of the unrealistic expectations you might be putting on yourself by making today’s blog short and straight forward.

Here’s my best suggestion for you as a dad this month: Stay present.

Yes, your presence is the best present you can give your daughter this Christmas season.

To make sure this doesn’t sound like a quick fix or pat answer, here’s what this means in real time:

1. Slow down. Make a decision to stop what you’re doing to notice what’s happening with your daughter when she’s with you. Your ability to stay calm and grounded (even if she’s not) is a gift beyond any tangible present you could give her. This is your gift to her!

2. Eye contact. By looking at your daughter in her eyes as she communicates with you, you’re giving her the message that she’s more important than words can say. This is your gift to her!

3. Listen intentionally. You’ve heard me say this before yet it bears repeating: When you listen twice as much as you talk (The “Two Ears: One Mouth” Principle), your daughter will internalize your validation of her and believe she’s worthy of your time and attention. This is your gift to her!

4. Ask questions. As you ask your daughter how you can help her or what she needs from you, you’re attending to her heart in that very minute. She will feel your love and care. This is your gift to her!

5. Hug often. Safe physical touch is often just what she needs when she’s overwhelmed. So when you reach out to your daughter to wipe her tears, hold her hand, and hug her, she will walk away knowing she’s not alone and you’re in her corner. This is your gift to her!

All this to say, never underestimate the profound power that your presence has when you show up in real time for your daughter.

Remember, YOU are the gift that keeps on giving as you give YOUR presence as THE present this year.

How the Quinceañera Teaches Fathers to Celebrate Their Daughters

There’s nothing I love better than hearing a heart-warming father-daughter story.

Exhibit A: I found this story tucked on the back page of a small-town Oregon newspaper about a traditional Latino celebration as told through the eyes of a father. It was only after reading the article that I realized it was actually written by his daughter!

Clearly this dad’s love for his daughter is evident as he shares his perspective on the biggest day in his 15-year old daughter’s life, her Quinceañera. This event officially marked her leaving childhood behind while publicly embracing womanhood.

He found himself reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday that she was playing with Barbies. It had gone by so fast and now here she was all grown up. He was filled with joy as he proudly stood by her as she was celebrated by family and friends.

Especially touching in the article was a picture of dad kneeling at the feet of his daughter, removing her flat shoes while slipping onto her feet a pair of heels, as if she was a princess at the ball. In response to this interaction Dad says,

“Seeing her walk in heels was probably what made it all real for me. She hadn’t worn heels because she wasn’t supposed to, so seeing her stumble around and try to find her balance was just reminding me that she was going to struggle on her road ahead and she was going to have to make herself stable again on her own.”

This dad gets it. He was nearby, waiting in the wings, ready to catch her if she did fall. But he also knew he couldn’t keep her from wobbling, and though she might stumble and struggle to find her footing at times, he believed that she would get stronger with practice. 

Though I’ve never attended a Quinceañera, this story makes me wish I had. Even in the written story I could feel the incredible love that was being poured over this teenage girl, especially from her father, as four main events represented her transition from little girl to grown woman:

• The changing of her shoes from flats to heels

• Her dance with her last doll

• Her crowning with a tiara

• The dance with her father (which is said to be the most important part of the entire event)

Reading this story made me wonder what it would be like if every branch of society took a cue from cultures like this where dads actively celebrate and mark their daughter’s maturation in some kind of significant way.

WAIT, we CAN emulate Latino cultures by following their lead!

What would it be like if dads everywhere found a special way to let their maturing daughters know that as a dad they’re dialed in, present, and on board as she transitions into womanhood?

I wonder what would happen if every girl, like the one in this article, knew that she had a day marked out for her where her dad treated her like the belle of the ball in a significant and celebratory way to confirm that she has profound value in his eyes. She would have that day and that event to look forward to long before it took place.

And if a big shindig isn’t your daughter’s style, perhaps you could plan a day to honor her somewhere between the ages of 12 and 15 as she officially starts her journey as a young woman:

• Maybe you could take her on a dad-daughter hike to a beautiful place in your state initiating a new annual tradition that celebrates her love of adventure and nature.

• Maybe she’s the type of girl who would enjoy a dinner party hosted at a restaurant with a few family and/or friends where you could surprise her by writing and reading a letter about what gifts you see in her that make you proud of her.

• Maybe you could have a fancy dinner at home (one that has her favorite food and done in an extra special way that shows forethought with décor and fancy dinnerware) where you read her a handwritten letter while the rest of the family listens, ending with a dance in the living room to a pre-selected song. Ask another family member to record it for future enjoyment (at least by you if that isn’t her thing!).

• Maybe she would like a piece of special jewelry that will remind her every time she wears it that she’s your girl and you love her to pieces.

• Maybe she’s wired to do a risk-taking activity that activates her adrenaline while proving to herself that she’s brave, like bungee jumping, scuba diving, climbing a rock wall, or running a half marathon (and the best part is that you can do it with her…if you’re able).

These are just a few ideas to spur your creativity and motivate you to plan ahead by creating an event to let your daughter know that you’re excited to see your little girl grow up.

Share your ideas with her and together decide what would have the most meaning to her. And if she’s already grown, you can do still do this in retrospect; she’ll still love the fact that you’re celebrating her now.

Dad, let’s start with practical steps. Connect with your daughter today---through your written, texted, or spoken words---and let her know that you celebrate the girl and woman she is. She’ll shine inside and out as you honor her today!

Does Your Daughter Know What Servant Leadership Looks Like?

Lately I’ve been pondering something and I want to share it here while it’s fresh. I’d love to get your input so feel free to write me and share your thoughts so we can continue this dialogue (drmichellewatson@gmail.com).

The question I pose to you is this: Does your daughter actually know what servant leadership looks like?

• Does she give without anyone knowing about it (a.k.a without posting it on her socials)?

• Does she sacrifice to see others (including her siblings) succeed?

• Does she delay gratification in order to save for something later?

• Does she donate to needs outside of herself?

• Does she know what it looks like to serve without being applauded?  

• Does she have an altruistic mindset where she gives even if she receives nothing in return?

So just in case it sounds like I’m coming down too hard on your daughter, I promise you I’m cheering her on to be all that God has made her to be!

And if you’re like many dads I interact with, I’m surely not telling you anything new when saying that your daughter is immersed in a culture that encourages her to embrace a mindset based in a philosophy that shouts: “See me…follow me…like me!”

Not only is this message everywhere on social media…but when her peers and influencers define popularity and success in certain ways, often without even knowing it, she’s internalizing  and being shaped by this this value system. [Of course this relates to us as adults and parents too, but we have fully developed brains to better process and filter incoming messages as compared to our precious daughters, right?].

But there’s one more side to this that’s been unsettling for me recently.

It seems on this side of the “Me Too Movement” where women rose up to say they had equal value to men [which is absolutely true, according to our Creator], the concerning part to me now is that dominance and control is being repackaged as assertiveness. Yet this stance is not only destructive, but it can camouflage arrogance and inflexibility.

This leads me to ponder whether there’s now been a swing in the other direction that supports women pushing others out of the way to get to the top at any cost to themselves or anyone else. But is overpowering others a glorified way to exalt ourselves? I see this being less about positive leadership and more about insecurity and stubbornness.

We all know that more is caught than taught, so this invites the next question:

Dad, are you modeling to your daughter what it looks like to be a servant leader?

Years ago I was talking to a dad in The Abba Project about his 8th grade daughter. She was an only child and he was frustrated with her “selfishness, lack of gratitude and self absorption.” I told him that her narcissistic focus was within normal limits for her age, adding that experts talk about adolescence as “latent toddlerhood” where it’s all about them much of the time. This is when girls hone the skill of using one-word commands like: “me, my, mine, now, no…”

I shared that the best way for her NOT to think about herself would be TO focus on someone else. I encouraged him to find places for to volunteer and give of herself. He loved this idea until I added that an even better strategy would be for him to do it with her.

He immediately said, “that will never happen.”

Sadly, this dad wanted his daughter to change and stop focusing on herself but he was unwilling to do the same.

The words of Jesus come to mind as He flipped everything on its head when it comes to a Kingdom mindset of leadership when He said,

“It’s better to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

“The greatest among you is the one who serves.” (Matthew 23:11)

“When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure—‘playactors’ I call them—treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. (Matthew 6:2-3, MSG)

Dad, the best way to show your daughter what servant leadership looks like is to:

• Show her in real time how to lead selflessly, modeling what it looks like to give without expecting reward, applause or public praise.

• Serve your family consistently and faithfully, at times without them knowing what you’re doing for them [two words: eternal rewards].

• Sacrifice to support the greater good of your family, using these situations as teachable moments so she soaks in the vibrant heritage you’re passing on to her.

• Sponsor a child or organization with your daughter or as a family as you invest in others.

• Sow seeds of love into those in need by volunteering with her.

• Share what you learn along the way---about yourself, other people, the world, Jesus, etc.

Embrace this opportunity to open up a conversation with your daughter about leading as a servant.

Servant leadership started with Jesus and now you get to model the same.

Go Dad!