The Dating Advice I Mistakenly Got from a Chatbot Disguised as a Rabbi

I literally cannot believe I just fell for this scam…but I did!

I watched a video by someone I thought was a well-respected Jewish Rabbi, only to later discover that “he” is actually an AI-generated persona.

I suppose I should have known better. But rather than delete his message, I figure it’s worth passing along to you because of the wisdom that’s packed into it.

Here’s what “Rabbi Stirberg“ had to say:

“Jewish fathers tell their daughters one thing at age 13 that changes everything. Most fathers never have this conversation at all. We sit our girls down before they start dating and tell them something that sounds harsh.

You are not the prize to be won. You are the judge deciding if he deserves to be chosen.

Most girls grow up thinking the goal is to be pretty enough that a boy wants them. We teach the opposite. The goal is not to be picked. The goal is to pick someone worth your time.

Then we teach them one question to ask about every boy they meet. Does he add value to my life or does he just make me feel good? Because feeling good lasts three months. Value lasts a lifetime.

A boy who adds value does three things:

      1. He makes you sharper, not softer.
      2. He challenges you to grow, not stay comfortable.
      3. He has a plan for his future, not just feelings about his present.

Most fathers raise daughters who ask, ‘Am I good enough for him?’ We raise daughters who ask, ‘Is he good enough for me?’

By the time your daughters choose partners, they're choosing whoever makes them feel wanted. By the time ours choose, they're choosing whoever makes them better. This isn't about being cold.

This is about understanding that who you choose determines the trajectory of your entire life. The wrong partner costs you decades. The right partner multiplies everything you are.

The Talmud teaches that a woman builds her house or tears it down with her own hands. The most important decision she makes is who she lets inside.

Teach your daughters they are the ones doing the choosing, not the ones hoping to be chosen.”

So what do you think?

To me, it seems like sound advice for a dad to teach his daughter.

More specifically, I appreciate the focus here on fathers challenging their daughters to use MORE WISDOM AND SCRUTINY when it comes to choosing a life partner. I think too often the romance paradigm glamorizes the hard work it takes to be in a healthy and vibrant relationship. Additionally, that one decision has EVERYTHING to do with EVERYTHING in her life (even if she chooses not to marry).

I also appreciate that the directive for women to be MORE CHOOSY when it comes to the men she dates…and the one she ultimately marries. This needs to be communicated from dads to their daughters of all ages. It’s vitally important for dads to encourage their daughters to ask themselves if he truly adds value to her life and makes her better.

Dad, I encourage you to open up this conversation with your daughter. You can start by reading her this blog.

And if you want to interact with her on the topics of dating and marriage but don’t know where to start, here’s the link to my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters where I have scripts for you to lead the dialogue. Go Dads!

Curiosity That Leads to Connection Before Correction (Guest Blog by Jeff Zaugg)

As a dad to four daughters (yes, you read that right!), here’s something I’ve come to learn about being an intentional GirlDad. I now ask myself---as well as other dads---this question: What if some of the sweetest discoveries in fatherhood come when we let go of closed mindsets and embrace wonder instead?

My oldest daughter loves to read. I mean, she devours books. But when she's reading, she tunes out everything else around her. I have to ask her questions over and over to get her attention, often walking all the way over and gently touching her shoulder to snap her out of it. And even when I do get her attention, she pushes back, wanting to finish the chapter before doing what I'm asking.

For months, I got frustrated every time I tried to get her attention. She never seemed to hear me. She always pushed back when I interrupted her reading. I was locked into seeing this as pushback and disrespect.

But recently, I sat down with her for a different kind of conversation. Instead of correcting her behavior, I got curious about her experience.

We talked about situational awareness—how she could develop the skill of focusing on her reading while still being aware of what's happening around her. For safety. For being a thoughtful sister. Even for future babysitting jobs where noticing things matters.

That conversation sparked a new approach. Instead of me versus her, it became us creating a plan together. We even tested it with gamification. Her sisters and I create moments in the room to see if she notices.

How many times do we approach fatherhood with assumptions based on surface behaviors?

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Fixed mindsets build barriers, blocking us from the wonder of who our children really are. We get stuck seeing our kids through the lens of frustration rather than fascination.

You might be just one curious conversation away from discovering something incredible about your child that assumptions have kept hidden. I fully believe that God wants to give each of us a sense of wonder. But it's going to require courage to turn up the dial of curiosity and look at our families differently.

Romans 12:2 calls us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." In fatherhood, this transformation starts with curiosity. The willingness to question our assumptions and approach our children with wonder instead of certainty.

Seth Dahl gets this. When I interviewed him on the DadAwesome Podcast, he challenged us as dads to stay curious about our children rather than defaulting to control. 

Part of our job as dads is making sure we're not putting ourselves in God's spot with our kids. Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants to be the one who comforts or convicts them, and if we rush in with all the answers, we might actually get in the way.

I assure you that as a work in progress, I’m seeking to understand the hearts of my daughters before I address their behavior.

Here’s what this looks like in action:

• Instead of seeing arguing as just backtalk, look for honesty, strong feelings, and verbal skills.

• Instead of seeing bossiness as a problem, recognize leadership and assertiveness.

• Instead of seeing stubbornness as defiance, identify determination and intensity of focus.

Yes, each behavior still needs to be addressed and redirected, but when we start by seeing the gift underneath, it helps us maintain connection.

Connected Families suggests a simple format: "I see that you have a powerful gift for __________. How you're using that now is not as helpful as I've seen you use it before. Maybe you could use that gift to help us solve the problem we're dealing with."

This doesn't mean we excuse behaviors or avoid correction when needed. It's about curiosity that leads to connection before correction. When we understand the heart behind the behavior, we can address both the underlying need and the surface action. We're not lowering standards but raising understanding.

For our daughters (and sons), they feel seen, understood, and valued for who they are rather than criticized for who they're not. This security becomes the foundation for healthy risk-taking and growth. 

For ourselves, we rediscover the joy of learning and growth. Parenting becomes less about managing behaviors and more about nurturing souls.

For our relationship, connection deepens as curiosity builds bridges between different perspectives and personalities.

If you’re ready to choose connection over correction while awakening the ripple effect of wonder in yourself and your daughter:

1. Pause Your Assumptions - When you catch yourself making assumptions about your child, stop. Pause and pray for wisdom, then ask yourself: "What if I'm wrong about this?" The pause creates space for curiosity to enter.

2. Lean Into Curiosity - Instead of immediately correcting or controlling, get curious. Ask the Holy Spirit what's really going on. What might your child be experiencing? What story are they telling themselves? What need might they be expressing?

3. Experiment With Fresh Perspective – Try something new. Pick one behavior that typically triggers you and commit to responding differently for just one week. Try questions instead of commands, patience instead of frustration.

This simple process transforms moments of potential frustration into opportunities for discovery.

When we pause our assumptions, lean into curiosity, and experiment with fresh perspective, we often find that our "difficult" daughter is simply showing us parts of themselves we hadn't noticed before.

By choosing curiosity over assumption, it shifts us from pride to humility, from thinking we have our kids figured out to recognizing God gave us these children to humble us and teach us.

 
Jeff Zaugg founded DadAwesome after one question grabbed his heart: "How do you stay intentional as a dad?" That question sparked 400+ podcast conversations and a mission to help fathers move from autopilot to prayerfully intentional. Over 550 nights in an RV, countless campfire conversations, ten fatherhood coaching cohorts, and thirty activation events across the country, Jeff is building a community of dads who live from the love of their Heavenly Father and pour that love into their families. Jeff and Michelle are raising four daughters near the beach in Florida. Together they love catching waves, building forts, riding bikes, and training for obstacle course races.

His first book was just launched last week titled, “DADAWESOME: Dad Discoveries to Activate Awesomeness” and is available here: 

GirlDad Gold: 8 Life Lessons from Alysa Liu and Her Dad

If you watched the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics last month, you no doubt watched the joyous celebration of Alysa Liu when she single-handedly turned women’s figure skating upside down as she won gold. Ever since, this courageous 20-year old is continuing to blow everyone away with her wealth of wisdom that is far beyond her years, as demonstrated with these powerful statements:

 “I love struggling, actually. It makes me feel alive.”

"I'm really confident in myself, and even if I mess up and fall,
that's totally okay.”

"What I like to share about myself is my story, my art and my creative process... A bad story is still a story, and I think that's beautiful. There's no way to lose.”

Wow. Talk about inspirational deep truth. I want to be more like her with a fierce growth mindset, don’t you?

Would you love your daughter to be motivated by a similar self-confidence? Of course you would!

You want to see her thrive as she boldly steps into being all God has made her to be, shaped by resilience even when there’s loss, humbly embracing triumph despite struggle, and courage to never give up or lose sight of who she is.

As you think of your role in supporting your daughter, here are eight life lessons tucked into Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

Alysa’s story, including dynamics with her father, Arthur:

1. Start by Believing Big
Arthur Liu believed in his daughter early. He saw her spark on the ice and didn’t dismiss it as “just a phase.” He invested time, money, and energy into helping her develop her talent. Alysa became the youngest U.S. women’s national champion in history at age 13. She landed jumps other American women weren’t attempting at the time. But before the titles, there was a dad who said, “I see something in you.”

Lesson for GirlDads:
Your belief becomes her internal voice. When she wonders, “Am I capable?” she will hear echoes of what you’ve said as it repeats inside her mind and heart for years.

2. Support Her Dreams — But Don’t Make Them Yours
Arthur was deeply involved in Alysa’s skating career. His level of involvement helped launch her success…but it also created tension. As Alysa matured, she realized she needed more ownership. She later said she didn’t want her dad to be as invested in her skating as he had been before. That wasn’t rejection (though he may have thought it at the time); this was individuation and differentiation.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There is a fine line between championing her dream and unconsciously adopting it as your identity. The goal is not to live through her success but to stand beside her in it.

3. Excellence Without Joy Has an Expiration Date
Alysa’s early career was meteoric. She broke records, made history, and carried enormous expectations. But eventually, she stepped away from competitive skating — at just 16 years old. Why? Because it had stopped being fun.

She described wanting a more normal life. She wanted to discover who she was as a person, not just as a skater. She wanted to breathe. This decision stunned the skating world. But it revealed something critical: talent without joy cannot sustain a young heart forever.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Ask her regularly: “Are you still loving this?” Not because quitting is the goal — but because joy is fuel. When the passion dies, no amount of pressure will resurrect it in a healthy way.

One of the most striking parts of their story is that Alysa didn’t consult her dad before announcing her retirement. Arthur admitted he felt hurt. But here’s what he did well: he didn’t publicly shame her, pressure her, or try to reverse her choice. He let her own it.

Lesson for GirlDads:
There will come a moment when your daughter makes a decision you disagree with — about sports, college, career, relationships, or life direction. Your response in that moment shapes your long-term connection.

You can be disappointed and still be supportive. That balance is pure gold to a daughter.

5. Step Back So She Can Step Forward
After time away from skating, Alysa chose to return. But this time, she did it differently. She structured her training with more autonomy. She defined the boundaries of her dad’s involvement. And something beautiful happened: she skated freer.

When she returned to the Olympic stage, there was visible joy in her performance. She trusted her intuition and debuted new, unprecedented jumps while enthusiastically celebrating her love of the sport.

Lesson for GirlDads:
If you don’t step back eventually, she can’t fully step into herself. Your willingness to release control communicates trust. And trust breeds confidence in girls and women.

6. Your Relationship Matters More Than the Resumé
It’s easy for high-achieving families to measure everything: scores, rankings, scholarships, titles. But long after the medals tarnish, what remains is the relationship. Despite the tension in their dynamic, Alysa has spoken respectfully about her dad. Arthur has spoken proudly of her — even when she chose differently than he would have preferred. They navigated complexity without severing connection.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Guard your relationship more fiercely than her achievements. If forced to choose between a trophy and trust, choose trust every time. Because when her world shakes — and it will — she’ll run toward safety [a.k.a. you], not away from it [a.k.a. you].

7. Teach Her That Identity Is Bigger Than One Arena
When Alysa retired, she didn’t disappear. She explored life beyond elite sport. She embraced college experiences, friendships, and growth outside of skating. Her identity became more defined as her world expanded.

That’s critical for daughters who grow up in performance-driven environments. If all they’ve ever been told is who they are when they win, they struggle when the applause fades. Arthur’s early focus was largely centered on skating. Over time, the lesson evolved: Alysa is more than her jumps.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Affirm her character more than her competence. Tell her she’s brave, thoughtful, creative, kind — not just talented. A daughter grounded in identity can withstand both failure and fame.

8. Redefine Winning
Gold medals represent discipline, resilience, and excellence. But Alysa’s most meaningful victory may not be a podium moment. It may be that she learned to skate for the joy she found in doing what she loves.
She once expressed that she would still skate even if no one were watching. That’s the kind of intrinsic motivation every father hopes his daughter develops — not performing for approval, but moving from internal conviction. Arthur’s early belief helped launch her. His later restraint allowed her to reclaim ownership and connect to her authentic motivation and inspiration.

That process — from director to supporter — is the hidden gold.

Lesson for GirlDads:
Winning is raising a daughter who can say, “I’m embracing the life God has given me, and I choose to inspire those around me by stepping into my unique gifts and calling.”

What They Did Well — And What They Learned

What they did well:

• Early belief and investment

• Courage to pursue excellence

• Pride without public hostility during hard seasons

• Willingness to evolve the relationship

What they didn’t do perfectly:

• Over-involvement blurred boundaries

• Intensity sometimes overshadowed childhood normalcy

• Communication gaps created hurt

But here’s the hope-filled truth: Perfection isn’t required to raise a strong daughter; growth is.

Dad, you’re in good company with every dad when you acknowledge that you will misstep. You will push too hard sometimes or not hard enough at others. The goal is not flawless fatherhood. The goal is responsive fatherhood — listening, adjusting, and loving through change.

So when your daughter dares to chase a dream that feels bigger than her age, her size, or even her sport, she doesn’t just need talent. She needs a dad who knows when to lean in and when to let go, a dad who celebrates her victories and losses while communicating unconditional love throughout the process.

This is what it looks like to be a gold-winning GirlDad!

Making Amends: How One Dad Did it Right

With this being the second blog in this Valentines month, I want to continue on the topic of LOVE---from a dad to his daughter. And one of the best ways you can show love to your daughter is to lead by making amends when you’ve caused her pain.

As we know, ruptures in relationships are a reality for all of us. This means that every one of shares in either being hurt or being the one to cause the hurt. Whether unintentional or intentional, when we’ve caused harm, we must develop a skill set in doing repair work in order to restore.

I can honestly say that the most common questions fathers ask or write me about are tied to estrangement. Here’s the most recent example:

I truly want to reconcile with my daughter and be a better dad, even though she has a step-dad now. I was wrong to stay away for so long and make it about me instead of about her. I’m not wanting to overstep but how do I let her know I want to be involved in her life now? I don’t want to make things worse. I appreciate your advice Dr. Michelle.

Although I often have minimal knowledge of the entirety of the situation when responding, I do want to give dads practical and proactive strategies they can put into action to invest in changing things for the better with their girls.

This leads me to a real life story, one that I had the privilege of being a part of. 

Leanne is a 35-year old daughter, married, and the mother of two. She contacted me to ask if I could help navigate her relationship with her father after years of feeling the strain between them. Both were willing to peel back the layers while knowing they needed someone to help guide them through the process. 

Even though Dad, Scott, saw the task ahead as somewhat daunting, perhaps unnecessary, he said that if this would help his daughter heal then he was committed to joining her for counseling. Courageously, they both opened up about the ways that Scott’s often gruff and dismissive parenting style when raising his tender-hearted daughter not only hurt her then, but was still impacting her now. She shared that she had internalized his view of her and still believes she’s “stupid and dumb,” with an overall feeing of being unworthy.

Through this process of talking and listening, Dad gave his daughter one of the best gifts she’d ever received from him.

Without being defensive, Scott listened. 

For seven weeks in a row, he listened. 

Far past the point where he normally would have walked away, he listened. 

All out of love for his daughter. 

We finally reached the place where Scott, though hesitantly, was willing to accept an assignment to write Leanne a letter. Not knowing exactly what to write (especially since his daughter is an accomplished writer, which in his mind served to highlight his inadequacy), he used a template, attached here, to guide the process. 

This dad followed directions, put pen to paper (actually fingers to keyboard), and gave it his all. To say he did it right is an understatement!

Scott told Leanne how he sees her embodying the meaning of her name while telling her specific ways he is proud of her, even including unique qualities he admires about her. And he made amends. He said he was sorry for not being gentle and patient with her when she was a little girl.

Now you may be wondering: What good does it do to dredge up the past, especially when bygones are bygones? You may be thinking that it’s cruel for an adult daughter to drag her dad into a counselor’s office just so he can hear her tell him how he blew it when she was little when he was doing the best he could at the time.

You can decide for yourself whether you still hold to that position after hearing what Leanne later wrote to her dad in response to their life-changing interaction: 

There was a moment when you stopped reading for a second and you glanced at me with wet eyes and tears streaming down your cheeks—I don’t even remember what part of the letter it was—that I have permanently engrained in my memory. It’s the strongest you’ve ever looked to me. I find it fascinating, and I think you might think it absurd, that my certainty of your strength was birthed from a moment where you were completely broken down. Even the little six-year-old in me is so proud of you and is saying, “My daddy is so strong!” Dad, you are one of the bravest men I know.

Even as an adult woman, Leanne still longed to hear what her daddy thought of her. 

She needed to hear his words that connected her little girl questions to her adult self. And she soaked in his words---about truly understanding the ways he had hurt her, coupled with being proud of her--and why.

Leanne needed to hear him read his letter out loud to her. 

She needed to hear his heartfelt emotion as he expressed himself. 

Scott agreed. Something broke free in him by doing this, leading him to say: “I don’t expect myself to be perfect anymore. I’m actually more real now.” 

It was in this process of opening up the conversation that both of their hearts moved towards healing. When this father asked forgiveness, his daughter immediately responded with love and grace. Each of them felt more understood as they went through this process together.

Leanne further explained:

It’s like taking two magnets and flipping them around so instead of connecting tightly, they push against each other in opposition, making it impossible for connection to happen. This letter, both the letter itself and my dad’s emotions in reading it, was the first time our magnets faced the right way for connection to happen. I literally feel like I heard words I’ve been waiting 30 years to hear.

In reflecting back on this experience, I asked Leanne to share a few highlights that stood out to her from the journey:

The problem is the wounds from hurt don’t get healed if we ignore them; I learned that not only was I wounded by the past, so was my dad. His sobs and streaming tears were physical manifestations of how deep his own wounds are. This means we have pain in common and in a weird way I feel closer to him now that I know. 

So to sum up, I want to tell dads everywhere to write and read your daughter a letter because it:

1) Shows she’s worth pursuing

2) Lets her know how you feel about her 

3) Allows her to see herself through your eyes, which is far more valuable and loving than how the world will communicate her worth. 

My hope in sharing this real-life story with you is to demonstrate that it’s never too late for a dad to make amends with his daughter. When a dad comes without defensiveness, and is open and willing to hear her heart hurts, he gives her---and himself---the gift of freedom, release, and healing. 

Thank you, Leanne and Scott, for the powerful way you’ve modeled that it’s possible for a dad and daughter to make amends if they’re both committed to doing so. 

Thank you for showing us that it’s never too late to make things right. I believe I speak for us all when I say how extremely grateful we are for the gift you have given us by your courage to share your story. 

I trust that every dad reading this will take their story to heart and take steps today to make amends with your daughter (and son). Don’t put it off another day. 

She’s worth the hard work. And so are you.

Your Valentine's MONTH Challenge, Dads!

You may think you misread my blog title because I used the word month instead of day. But I assure you that you’re seeing things correctly! Let me tell you why.

For many men, Valentine’s Day is that one day each year when they know that if they forget the card, candy, flowers, or the fancy dinner, they’ll be in the doghouse. So the motivation sometimes is more about not getting in trouble than it is on reaching the heart of the one you love.

Here’s the inside scoop to better understand the women in your life: The underlying desire for most women is that we just want to know that we’re valued and treasured more than one day here or there. And especially when it feels a bit forced on Valentines’ Day, we appreciate the “over-and-above” reminders that we’re really loved beyond that 24-hour time span.

So if you, as a dad to your daughter, want to be intentional with heart investments in her throughout February, it’s time to capitalize on this opportunity of communicating love to show her your love for an entire month, not just a day.

Here’s a not-very-hidden Venusian secret: We women love love. We love stories about love. We love being in loved. We love being the one loved.

And though some women are less outwardly demonstrative when it comes to emotional expressions of their longings, inside the heart of every girl and woman is a God-given desire to be pursued and cherished, adored and known.

Since you were the first one to hold her heart, your love deposits carry a lot of relational weight. If you as a dad miss the opportunity to pursue your daughter’s heart, she’ll be more apt to go looking for love elsewhere because this is a legitimate need, not just a want.

Let me back up my statement with an illustration. 

Did you know, according to Hallmark and industry sources, approximately 150 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually in the United States, making it the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas?! And if you add in kids’ classroom Valentines, there could be as many as 1 billion cards sold each year. 

Adding to Hallmark’s awareness of a woman’s desire for romance and love, especially this time of year, they continue to expand their movie empire every single year.

Since stats are a powerful way to underscore a point, here are some confirming facts regarding their nationwide domination in the area of romantic cinematic expression:

• In 2010 there were 6 original Hallmark holiday movies

• In 2014, there were 12 

• In 2015, the network added 21 new movies to their lineup

• In 2017, they produced 33 more

• In June of 2018, they announced they were debuting 90 additional new movies that would span all year long!

• In 2020 they premiered 40 new original holiday movies

• In 2023, 40 more 

• And in 2025, 24 MORE were added to their vast repertoire! 

What this says to me is simply this: If a woman isn’t experiencing true love in her life (which may or may not include heartfelt romance, but definitely includes agape love, which is selfless love from another----which includes you as her father), she will be drawn to watching someone else live out her romantic story.

And even though every single Hallmark storyline is predictable, cheesy, unrealistic, anticipated, scripted, and improbable, we women have an internal draw to the fantasy, which can become a substitute for reality, particularly when it’s non-existent.

So Dad, here’s where you get to shine. 

Become the Prince Charming in your daughter’s romantic story. Whether she has a special someone or not, you can let her know every single day during this entire month of February that she is your treasure.

Start today and make a commitment to communicate love to her daily for the next 23 days of this month. And rest assured that some days will be more significant in terms of your time, money, and energy, yet by mixing it up it will add strength to the impact of your loving expressions.

Here are some practical ideas to get you started:

• Text her an affirming message (to highlight something you’ve not typically highlighted before, such as a character quality that you admire in this season of her life)

• Write a note and send it via snail mail so she sees your loving words in your own handwriting (and if she’s like me, she’ll save it forever)

• Call her to tell her why you thought of her today (leaving a voicemail message is a great idea so she can replay it again and again)

• FaceTime her and ask questions about her day, her feelings, her fears, and her dreams (make it your goal to get her to talk while you listen)

• Send her flowers (and make sure to send a card that tells her why she’s amazing in your eyes)

• Buy her a gift or two (tangible expressions of your love---where you put your money where your mouth is---will remind her that she’s your treasure for days and months to come)

• Stop by her workplace or school and leave a treat with a note (which I guarantee will be shown to all of her friends and they’ll wish you were their dad!)

• Take her out to breakfast, lunch or dinner (let her choose the place…and then between the time you set up the date and the time you spend together, it will bring joy to her heart as she looks forward to time with you)

So there you have it, Dad: your February challenge.

I can hardly wait to hear how you, as dialed-in dads, give Hallmark a run for their money this year by showing who the real hero is in your daughter’s story.

Write me at drmichellewatson@gmail.com and tell me how it goes so I can celebrate with you!



[P.S....Speaking of Hallmark, I was recently invited to write one God story in a friend’s devotional titled "Written in Heaven: His Story, Our Lives," where 40 women each shared a powerful God story in their own life. I talked about my singleness and getting married at the age of 60, and I titled my story, “Better Than Hallmark.”

This book would be a great gift for your daughter, wife, girlfriend or female friends because 40 women will be encouraging them in them in their own faith journey. I highly recommend it!]