How to Tell Your Daughter More of Your Story

Happy 2026 to you, Dad!

If you’ve been reading my blogs or listening to The Dad Whisperer Podcast for any length of time, you know how I encourage you to tell your stories to your daughter. And not just the positive and good ones---but also the messy ones (especially when there’s a redemptive ending).

I believe this is so vitally important to your relationship with her that I ended my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters with an entire section called, “Lead Her to Listen.” This is where you as dads hand your daughter the book so she can ask you questions about your life.

Here’s how I introduce this section in my book, explaining why this matters:

“Remember that we daughters don’t expect you dads to be perfect or to have never made stupid decisions or chosen an unwise path. When we see you as authentic and human while admitting that you’ve made mistakes along the way, it makes you more real and approachable, and we respect you all the more for having forged through hard stuff despite challenges.

We’re inspired when hearing about obstacles you’ve overcome to get where you are today, which gives us more freedom to tell you what’s going on in our lives.

Additionally, Dad, when you tell your daughter stories from your own life, it serves as a reminder of what you’ve learned the hard way, thus giving you more grace for her at the age and stage she’s in now.

And whether or not your daughter realizes that she’s going to grow through this process of asking you questions and hearing your responses, the reality is that this is a vital skill set for her going forward as she learns to inquire and investigate with care and genuine interest in another person.”

Dad, here are three options to move forward this year if this idea of story-telling resonates with you:

1. A great place to start is to get a copy of Let’s Talk and let your daughter follow the directions in the last chapter to ask you specific questions about your life.

2. If you’re ready to action now, here’s a quick 3-fold template to begin telling your story to your daughter:

• Tell her what happened

• Tell her what you learned (even the hard way…and be sure to include the redemptive ending!)

• Invite questions

3. If you’re ready to take a bigger step forward in telling your stories, here’s more ideas to support that goal:

• Tell about your life chronologically: One year at a time.

  • Share one thing from each age of your life. And if your daughter has questions, answer them in age appropriate ways based on her ability to track with you.

• Tell about your life seasonally: One season at a time.

  • My dad would often tell me stories that fit with the time of year that we were in - be it a specific holiday or even a weather-related story. You can even tell her about food traditions at specific times of the year.

• Tell about your life thematically: One topic at a time.

  • Open the vault and tell her about your family of origin and what it was like to be in your family---and go into more detail about your education...jobs…sports…friends…girlfriends…dating…adventures…risks…etc.

• Tell about your life spiritually: One theme at a time.

  • Reveal significant times in your life with God...or questions you’ve had…or lessons you’ve learned…mentors you’ve had…or parts of the Bible that are particularly meaningful to you.

• Tell about your life relationally: One person at a time.

  • As you tell about people who have influenced you, not only will you be honoring those individuals while inviting your daughter to learn from them as well, but you’ll be positively impacted by re-telling about the influence and impact of mentors, coaches, pastors, teachers, relatives, etc.

You’ve heard me say this before and I’ll stay it again: You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be present. And though you’ve made mistakes in your life, telling your stories can model to your daughter what resilience looks like in real time and she’ll internalize your strength.

Telling your stories is a powerful way to be present in your daughter’s life.

Dad, make it a goal this year to share more of your story with your daughter. She’ll be grateful for it…and I believe you will be too!

Be the First - 2026 Edition

Here we are at the beginning of this new year, that time when we all turn the page and look forward to a fresh start. Some of us might even dare to believe that anything is possible as the script for 2026 is yet to be written.

When I think about the concept of firsts, I think of how this word relates to me as a firstborn. Truth be told, I like to be first---first in line, first to answer a question, first to try something new, and on it goes. Maybe you can relate!

Then my mind moves to how the concept of firsts tie to you being a father who wants to grow in understanding your daughter with even more precision. With that in view, I want to highlight what a big deal “firsts” are for us as girls.

To prove my point, you could ask any adult woman when she had her first crush. She’ll immediately tell you because that memory is frozen in time and available for fast recall whenever prompted.

Ask her about her first kiss, her first dance, first prom, or first breakup. They’re all filed away.

Now let’s change it up a bit and address more than just romance or heartbreak.

You could ask about her first job, her first paycheck, first car or first bad grade. Yep….all stored in the vault.

And if you want to delve even deeper with asking your daughter questions, you could ask her about her memories with you. What does she remember as the first time you made her feel loved and special…all the way to the first time you hurt her feelings or disappointed her. Why not start the year by being the first to initiate a conversation to make amends, if required.

Here’s how I also see it. If your daughter is wired to remember firsts, then why not capitalize on that reality by being the first to do it right and get it right at the start of this new year.

Dad, what if you made it your goal in this new year to create memories for your daughter by deciding to “be the first.”

• Be the first to tell her you love her every single day so she never has to wonder if you do.

• Be the first to choose kindness because it’s a virtue you want her to exemplify.

• Be the first to set the bar high in modeling what a good man looks like so all other men will be compared to you.

• Be the first to tell her you’re sorry.

• Be the first to show her that strong men can cry.

• Be the first to model what humility looks like.

• Be the first to write her a note telling her what you find special about her.

• Be the first to take her on an adventure.

• Be the first to buy her a “just-because” treat.

• Be the first to take her out for an extravagant meal.

• Be the first to wipe her tears and hold her in your arms when her life goes sideways.

• Be the first to listen rather than lecture.

• Be the first to “hold her anger” without reacting harshly in return.

• Be the first to initiate deep conversations about spirituality, God, faith, politics, goals, and even your life growing up.

• Be the first to model a healthy spiritual life so she can follow your example.

• Be the first give of your time and energy to serve her.

• Be the first to invest in launching her dreams by funding a project she is passionate about.

• Be the first to applaud her successes from the front row.

Why be the first?

It’s the best way to show her what love looks like when backed by action. Better yet, she’ll relate to all other men based on what she experiences with you.

Dad…you’ve got the whole year ahead to lead the way in loving your daughter first. You can make it your goal to be the first to soften your tone, apologize, and make amends.

Decide now to make this a year of firsts, beginning with choosing one thing from the list above to do today to let your daughter know how much you love her!

• Be the first to tell her you love her every single day so she never has to wonder if you do.

• Be the first to choose kindness because it’s a virtue you want her to exemplify.

• Be the first to set the bar high in modeling what a good man looks like so all other men will be compared to you.

• Be the first to tell her you’re sorry.

• Be the first to show her that strong men can cry.

• Be the first to model what humility looks like.

• Be the first to write her a note telling her what you find special about her.

• Be the first to take her on an adventure.

• Be the first to buy her a “just-because” treat.

• Be the first to take her out for an extravagant meal.

• Be the first to wipe her tears and hold her in your arms when her life goes sideways.

• Be the first to listen rather than lecture.

• Be the first to “hold her anger” without reacting harshly in return.

• Be the first to initiate deep conversations about spirituality, God, faith, politics, goals, and even your life growing up.

• Be the first to model a healthy spiritual life so she can follow your example.

• Be the first give of your time and energy to serve her.

• Be the first to invest in launching her dreams by funding a project she is passionate about.

• Be the first to applaud her successes from the front row.

Why be the first?

It’s the best way to show her what love looks like when backed by action. Better yet, she’ll relate to all other men based on what she experiences with you.

Dad…you’ve got the whole year ahead to lead the way in loving your daughter first. You can make it your goal to be the first to soften your tone, apologize, and make amends.

Decide now to make this a year of firsts, beginning with choosing one thing from the list above to do today to let your daughter know how much you love her!

End the Year by Leaving a Long-Lasting Legacy

With this being the last Dad-Daughter Friday Blog of 2025, I’m reflecting on my year and inviting you to do the same. When it comes to your relationship with your daughter, you’ve no doubt been investing in her this past year and this is worth celebrating.

As you think about the concept of legacy, let’s start by defining the term. Legacy is “the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or in a person’s life.”

And though legacy often refers to highlighting deposits at the end of someone’s life, for purposes of this conversation, let’s reflect on end of year relational investments with your daughter.

In the definition above, the words “long-lasting impact” stand out to me for a couple of reasons:

1. Sometimes we never know how little things have big impact. On the positive side, something you may not have thought to be a big deal----a gentle response or short hand-written note, a text or a phone call to check in---was all it took to make your daughter’s day better.

2. Conversely, one small but intense, negative response on your part may have stuck with her long beyond that specific interaction. And she may still be carrying the impact of that wound here at the end of this year.

The only way to know how your responses landed is to ask your daughter for input.

Why not end the year strong by inviting your daughter to respond---in person or in writing---to these two questions:

1. Can you remember any specific words I’ve spoken to you this past year that have stuck with you that made you feel better about yourself?

2. Can you remember any specific words I’ve spoken to you that have stuck with you this past year that made you feel worse about yourself?

Then, celebrate the positive investments and address the negatives.

Be willing to apologize and ask forgiveness. Without defensiveness, explanations or justification, even if your recollection is different than hers, let her know you love her fully and completely.

Ask yourself if you’d rather win the argument or win her heart.

With intentional focus, you can end the year well by checking in with your daughter by leading a conversation that cleans out any potential “closets” of unfinished business. Then you can affirm her for where you’ve seen her grow and mature this year.

This is what it looks like to end the year with an intentional commitment to leaving a positive legacy in your daughter’s life that will last long beyond this year. 

Dad, Your Presence IS the Present

Hi Dad…

With the Christmas season in full throttle, I’m guessing you’re like me in running a bit too much, spending a bit too much, eating a bit too much, and finding it challenging to keep up with all the “too muchness” that tends to accompany this season. Yet even with our intended desire to focus on Jesus being the “reason for the season” and enjoying all the merriment, we can still feel overwhelmed with all the demands and needs.

As a dad, you probably have even more expectations of yourself in this season----like you need to keep everyone happy and meet all the needs and cover all the bases. Yet the reality is this is more than anyone can possibly be.

So here’s my way of countering all of the unrealistic expectations you might be putting on yourself by making today’s blog short and straight forward.

Here’s my best suggestion for you as a dad this month: Stay present.

Yes, your presence is the best present you can give your daughter this Christmas season.

To make sure this doesn’t sound like a quick fix or pat answer, here’s what this means in real time:

1. Slow down. Make a decision to stop what you’re doing to notice what’s happening with your daughter when she’s with you. Your ability to stay calm and grounded (even if she’s not) is a gift beyond any tangible present you could give her. This is your gift to her!

2. Eye contact. By looking at your daughter in her eyes as she communicates with you, you’re giving her the message that she’s more important than words can say. This is your gift to her!

3. Listen intentionally. You’ve heard me say this before yet it bears repeating: When you listen twice as much as you talk (The “Two Ears: One Mouth” Principle), your daughter will internalize your validation of her and believe she’s worthy of your time and attention. This is your gift to her!

4. Ask questions. As you ask your daughter how you can help her or what she needs from you, you’re attending to her heart in that very minute. She will feel your love and care. This is your gift to her!

5. Hug often. Safe physical touch is often just what she needs when she’s overwhelmed. So when you reach out to your daughter to wipe her tears, hold her hand, and hug her, she will walk away knowing she’s not alone and you’re in her corner. This is your gift to her!

All this to say, never underestimate the profound power that your presence has when you show up in real time for your daughter.

Remember, YOU are the gift that keeps on giving as you give YOUR presence as THE present this year.

5 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Reconciliation with Your Estranged Daughter

With the holidays officially upon us, I know there are many of you dads who are struggling to claim this as “the happiest time of the year.” The reason? Distance from your daughter (and/or son).

The reality is that I receive more emails from dads around the country asking about what to do to connect with their estranged daughters than I do anything else…by a long shot. And I want to see that sad reality change through empowering dads to do whatever it takes to make amends and pursue healing at any cost to themselves.

Now I realize that there’s always more to a story than merely what I hear, but my encouragement to these men—and to you ---continues to include validation, coupled with suggestions for action.

But first, a story to encourage you.

---

My friend and former NFL quarterback, Ed Tandy McGlasson, founded an incredible organization called Blessing of the Father Ministries. Ed is one of the most passionate people I know when it comes to understanding the power of a father’s blessing, which leads  him to enthusiastically speak words of life into men and women everywhere by affirming how much they are loved by God as their Father.

One of the most powerful stories he tells is of a dad who hadn’t seen his daughter in over twenty years, since she was thirteen years old, and every time he reached out to her, there was no response. Desperate for direction, he met with Ed, who suggested that he waste no time in writing these exact words to his estranged daughter:

Help me understand how much I hurt you when I divorced your mom.

That’s all it took for his daughter to quickly respond. He didn’t defend or explain. He listened. And their relationship was restored.

---

Perhaps these are the words you need to say to your daughter in this season: “Help me understand how much I hurt you when I . . .”

On the other hand, Dad, sometimes your first move will require what could look like apparent inaction. Stated otherwise, by not moving, you’re moving. Let me explain. If your daughter isn’t ready to talk to you right now, you must honor her boundaries and wait until she gives you the green light.

Outwardly, this may look like you’re doing nothing, but in reality this allows you to prepare yourself for when she’s ready to communicate with you.

That said, I want to share some ideas that you can put into practice to prepare YOURSELF for the day your daughter will hopefully be ready to re-engage with you.

And if your daughter is open to having a conversation with you--whether in person or via email/text or over the phone--feel free to use the information below to guide you. (For more specifics, you can refer to my book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters).

Here are some keys to preparing your heart for reconciliation with your estranged daughter:

1. Pray for restoration.
   I understand that at times our prayers may feel like they’re hitting the ceiling. But it’s important to remember that your prayers are being heard by your Heavenly Father who says if we call on him he will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things that we don’t know (Jeremiah 33:3). Ask Him to move in ways that only a true Father can. Write out prayer requests and date them so you can see how God answers as you stay the course with believing prayer.

2.  Own your part…with humility.
   Sometimes it can be hard to see the log in our own eye while instead focusing on the splinter in someone else’s (Matthew 7:5). And when there has been hurt between a dad and daughter, such that the bridge between them is weakened or bombed out completely, as her father, it’s vital that you search your own heart before God and be willing to admit your fault. As you assess yourself honestly (even asking others for input), it will set the foundation of humility and openness for the time when your relationship is restored.

3. Don’t take her rejection personally.
   If the distance between you and your daughter has little or nothing to do with you (a.k.a. a divorce or tragedy beyond your control that led to the estrangement), then seek to stand strong in the truth that she needs space to work this out in her way and in her time. There’s nothing you can do to rush that process along. Patience is key.

4. Look with open and eager anticipation.
   One of my favorite Bible stories is in Luke 15, a parable Jesus tells about his Father. He shares five ways that the earthly dad in this story re-engages with his estranged son, thus providing a road map for dads who are in a similar situation. This father saw his child (which means he was consistently looking for him), was filled with compassion, ran toward him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. That is the necessary stance for a dad with an estranged daughter, as modeled by the ultimate Dad, our Heavenly Father.

5. Buy a journal and write to her in it. (This one is my favorite!)
   Because you will date each entry, it will serve as a time capsule where you’ll be recording your thoughts and memories about her, dreams for her future, words of encouragement, prayers for her, positive and loving affirmations, things you wish you could tell her if she were here, etc. This is more for you than for her because it will keep hope alive as you write things down. Then when the time is right (which could be a long ways down the road possibly), you’ll have it as a gift to give her that will let her know that she was never far from your heart even when there was distance. It will prove to her the power of your love was solid even when she may have believed otherwise.

As noted from Luke 15, do not lose heart even while your daughter is away and distanced, possibly making choices that grieve you.

Do what God as a good Father does by staying open to her in your heart, looking forward for her return (no matter how long it takes) while believing that she needs your prayers for healing in her own life, whether or not she’s ready to engage with you now.

And in the meantime, I encourage you to do your own work. But this I mean to take steps to vulnerably tell your story and be willing to “look at your own stuff,” followed with receiving input and support from trusted friends or a counselor. This will set the foundation for a healthier relationship with your daughter when she returns because you’ll better understand yourself and have more tools in your emotional toolbox.

These five action steps above will set a foundation of hope as you take proactive steps forward. I pray your Thanksgiving and Christmas season will be a time of renewal, even in the hard spaces, as you celebrate the King who came to earth to give us the promise of heaven beyond today.